The Loud One

Chapter Three- California Bound

            I walk through the front door to the apartment feeling beyond exhausted from our rehearsal today. You can see that Max's shoes are missing from next to the door, telling me that she's not home yet. I push my feet into my soft slippers to give my feet some comfort after the beating that they got from practice today. Walking over to my right I feel the soft rug that Max and I picked out almost a year ago.

Normally I would pick up my phone and scroll through social media, but I have been avoiding going onto my phone all day since I saw a notification from Instagram. Maybe I am just being ridiculous, but I can't believe that I actually kissed Jack after not seeing him for almost a year.

My old mug still sits on the coffee table from the tea I had yesterday, the glow of the one lamp in the room shines off the mug. We don't have a big apartment by any means, we don't have any windows in the front of the apartment which was only the kitchen and living room. In the back is our two bedrooms each have a window but the apartment itself is simply- cheap, dark and small. It fits what we need it for through.

My notebook sits quietly on the TV stand as I reach for the remote- ever since I came to the city I started to write a journal. It was completely overwhelming moving into the city and I found the need to channel all those feelings in some way. The times that I felt like I made a mistake to all the times I felt so alone in one of the biggest cities in the world- that feeling just made it worse.

Flipping on the new I reach for my notebook- I used to write in it almost every day but lately, I haven't touched it unless I needed to get something out. I turn through the latest pages- all of which were about Kat. All filled with my worry and all the times I have tried to pull her out of her habits. I go back further reading out Kat's new friends and were some of the biggest party girls I have ever meet. Some of those entries were filled with anger towards them when I know that it's not their fault- Kat is the one who chooses to be friends with them.

Next, I start to see the entries of when I was almost 3 months into working for my company. I sigh and smile- that was one of the hardest times I was here. All the adjusting to the amount of work and the lifestyle that being in the company demanded was catching up to me. Many of the entries talk about going home and why I didn't go to college like a normal kid, but I can honestly say that I made the right decision to stick it out.

The first few pages of the journal were by far the most embarrassing- many of them were about Jack. I spilled out my anger at him, why did just cut me off like that but also my disappointment. In not only him but also myself. He had pushed me away without much of an explanation at all and I was planning to stay in my hometown giving up my dream just to potentially be with him.

Turning to the back of the book, I start a new entry about him once again. Guess we have come full circle I think as I write down my rant.

Spilling my emotions of confusion, anger onto the pages my words start to become less harsh and I start to realize that my main emotion is nervousness. I pause for a second, why am I nervous? I look down at the phone sitting there on our second-hand wooden coffee table. I'm excited to see him again. Damn it.

I have been working so hard to learn to channel my nerves into excitement, changing the way that I perceive things. It makes dancing in front of others that much easier if I am simply excited not nervous. But with this I still feel the nerves, I reach for the phone. If I continue to avoid this it will only make it worse. It's time to woman-up and face it.

Besides- what's the worse that can happen right?

As my fear confirmed I did, in fact, have a message from Jack;

Long-time no see

Want to meet up for dinner?

I cringe when I realize that this was hours ago- some nights I don't leave the studio until late, and tonight the clock on the oven reads a loud 9:55 pm when I lance to my right.

Sorry! I just got home from work I send back, sighing. I feel so many nerves running through me.

I walk over and set the notebook back on the TV stand next to a similar one labeled MAX on the front of it. Max was the one who suggested that I use a journal when I first moved in- she still claims to this day she could visually see the emotions that I was hiding in my face. My phone buzzes against the wooden coffee table. I reach for it, there's no way he already answered.... And he did.

Are you free now? I stare at the message for almost a minute before realizing what he is asking me.

The problem is that Max and I are both leaving for a competition tomorrow morning- or more like 3 am to catch our flight... these types of trips have become normal for me. I still stare at the phone going over in my head whether I should tell him I'm free or not. Technically I should already be asleep but I have been working myself up so much about him.

Yes but I have an early flight tomorrow

Where are you going?

California for a dance competition I don't know why I'm explaining this to him but for some reason, I feel like he needs to know.

When will you be back?

This Friday My heart starts to beat- I wonder why he wants to know, and why he's not mad at me... well, maybe he is.

I'll pick you up Friday

Okay... for what?

It's a surprise

When are you coming?

You'll see. Go to bed Dawn

I can't help but smile a little bit- I know I should be more nervous by the fact that he is feeling me nothing but I do miss talking to him. I sigh answering him

Goodnight Jack

I grab my phone and head down the hallway to the door on the right- my bedroom. Tiny to say the least but it works just fine. My double bed is pushed against the wall where the one window. The whole room only has my bed, nightstand, a small dresser, and tiny closet. I sit down on my bed with a huff and look out the window- at the building across the street. Great view but I found the if you press your head against the wall you can see down the street to see some of the shining lights from Manhattan.

I look around the room finally feeling tired- Eh I'll just pack in the morning. I fall asleep knowing that I will hate myself for that in the morning. 

**** 

It's time for a girls trip! Are you ready?? 

LOVE you Em <3

(if you want me to use your idea for a bonus chapter- don't forget to comment or message me)

Update this FRIDAY