Hit {JinKibum, Onkey}

17

The bright rays of the morning sunlight shining through Kibums curtains woke Jinki up. He sat up and looked around the living room as the memories of the previous night rushed back into his mind.

"Oh, fuck..." He mumbled at both the memories and the tremendous pounding that was happening in his head. The older stood up, got himself a glass of water, and searched for some pain reliever. He finally found some in a cabinet and took what he needed. After he tried to cure his headache, he took care of the dogs, feeding them and letting them out so Kibum didn't have to.

"Jinki." Kibum said his name in a tone he's never heard before.

"God! You've got to stop scaring me like that!" He jumped and turned to look and at his younger standing in the hallway, in a robe with his arms crossed.

"We have to talk." He walked past him and sat in the chair that Jinki started out in last night.

"Yeah.. we do.." The older took a deep breath to calm down and nodded, sitting down on the couch with his water in hand. He had hoped that Kibum wouldn't be up for another few hours so he could rehearse what he was going to say before hand, but he was out of luck. Jinki just had to wing it and hope for the best.

"What in the fuck happened last night and why?" Kibum was straight to the point. He wanted answers and he was going to get them, one way or another.

"Well do you want the full story or just what happened during the movie?" Jinki was nervous and trying to stall so he could have more time to think.

"Don't play around, Jinki. You know the answer to that."

"Okay well.. um" he cleared his throat and looked down, like a child who was being scolded, "I left your house for a while, after you told me to, but then I came back because I wanted to apologize for being an ass," he glanced at Kibum and then continued on, "but I got too scared and that's where the alcohol came in. I thought maybe if I had just enough it would be easier for me to just go up there and apologize, but I got carried away and just stayed in my car. I was planning on just sleeping in it and leaving in the morning because I was way too far gone to even think about driving."

"Wait." The younger stopped him, "So let me just get this straight. You were too scared to apologize to me so you got drunk?"

Jinki nodded, starting to become embarrassed that he thought his plan might have been, in the slightest, a good idea.

"Okay, carry on then."

"Alright, then you came outside and I figured it would be perfect for me to apologize to you and talk about my feelings.. and I don't know maybe sort it all out and go from there?" He had never been this vulnerable before. It was scary to talk to someone this way, especially to Kibum. As the leader he felt that he needed to stay strong and just be there for everyone and keep them happy when they needed it. In his eyes, his feelings didn't matter.

"Your feelings? What feelings?" Kibum wondered if it meant what he thought it meant.

"My feelings for you, Kibum. They're there.. and I think they're real." He started to get choked up, and he tried to fight it. The leader was scared and he was lost. The identity conflict inside of him was growing and he was struggling to keep a hold of the potential romantic feelings for Kibum. On top of that, the guilt he felt for dragging him into this was starting to surface and he was doing everything in his power to suppress it.

"Hold on, Jinki, what? After all of this, you're telling me that you have feelings for me? You've friendzoned me numerous times, and should I bring up the lapse in judgement comment again?" The younger was in shock at what he was being told.

"Yes, I mean, I think so? I'm sorry that I made stupid comments but I don't know what's going on with me. I tried cuddling you and it was nice but it didn't give me the answer I needed. Last night I tried to kiss you and you moved away so I didn't even get a chance to experience it really. I'm just trying to figure it all out." A single tear rolled down his cheek as he looked up at a visibly overwhelmed boy, sitting in the chair next to him.

Silence filled the house as Jinki watched Kibum search for a response within himself. Tears started to fall from the younger boys eyes, just before he spoke.

"Jinki, are you serious? You're hurting me more than anything! Why can't you see how badly? Last night you kissed me, and the days before that, you've been acting like you're my boyfriend one minute and my friend the next! I know you're struggling, but I can't take it! Either figure it out and stop playing with me, or just leave me alone!" Kibum cried and repeated himself in a softer, more sad voice, "I can't take it.."

"Kibum, I'm trying! Just please help me out here! The feelings that I'm having are different and I don't know how to process them.." Jinki couldn't hold back his emotions anymore, as they were becoming too intense to handle, "This is all new to me. I've never been with a guy before and I'm learning new things about myself and it's overwhelming to me.. okay? Please understand that I really am struggling. I know it's not fair for you to have to deal with this after all you've gone through these past few weeks, but if I'm going to find myself and figure out who I really am, I want to do it with you." His tears, now uncontrollable, flowed down his cheeks and neck, staining his shirt.

The last 7 words that Jinki spoke reverberated in Kibums mind.

Jinki couldn't believe he finally spoke his truth, and Kibum wasn't, or didn't seem to be, mad about it.