Hit {JinKibum, Onkey}

18

Kibum and Jinki sat in silence for what felt like an eternity, with the occasional sniffling and deep breaths. The words that had been said were filled with the raw and emotional truth that had been dying to come out. Neither of them had expected the conversation to go the way it did. Would Kibum finally be able to be in the healthy, loving relationship with Jinki he so desired?

"So where do we go from here?" Kibum finally broke the silence, wiping his eyes after he spoke.

"I don't know." Jinki shrugged in response. There was no going back now, as they both had been so brutally honest with eachother. The petite boy sitting in the chair, still wiping fresh tears off his face, was hurt and confused. The future for the two of them had a glimmer of hope, atleast in his eyes. Unfortunately for Jinki, he was lost.

"Can I hug you, Jinki?" He spoke softly. Jinki nodded and stood up, opening his arms. The younger got up and practically fell into his warm embrace. They stood there, holding each other for what felt like an eternity. Honestly, they needed that. After all that had been said, they needed each other more so now, than before.

"Can I talk to you about something else?" Jinki had something else on his mind. Kibum nodded and stepped away, sitting down on the couch where Jinki had previously sat.

"Why did you call me that night that you and Minho were together last? I mean-" Jinki paused for a second and sat down facing him, collecting his thoughts before continuing, "I know we've always been close and you always come to me for a lot of things. Why didn't you go to Taemin? He's the best at relationship advice for you.. and I know you've gone to him about Minho before?"

"Well.." Kibum sighed and tried to find an answer, "I don't know, really. I guess I just wanted someone to protect me, and make me feel safe. You're really good at that, you know~"

"You know what I did to him that night?" With those words, his demeanor changed drastically. Almost as if there was a tv with the volume up as loud as it could go, replaying it over and over again.

"No, I only saw the after math, but Jinki you don't have to talk about it. It's in the past. We can move forward from it~ Just forget about it~" Kibum put his hand on Jinkis knee and rubbed it with his thumb.

"Kibum, I need to tell you. I feel so horrible about it," His eyes started to water up again, "I shoved him around and we argued, but then something in me just snapped.. I don't know what it was, Kibum.." Jinki looked up into his youngers eyes and then looked away.

"Jinki..." Kibum didn't realize how much that night had really effected him. He moved his hand from his knee to Jinkis hand and held it tight.

"I hit him so many times you could barely tell who he was... there was blood all over his face... and the worst part was that Jonghyun watched the whole thing and didn't say a word. He just stood there and when I left he looked me in the eyes and then turned and walked down his hallway. I went to the gas station after to clean up so you wouldn't see any blood, but I couldn't get that look out of my head. Every time I see him now, it's all I can think about. I beat his boyfriend, left him on his living room floor bleeding, and all Jonghyun did was give me that look." Jinki wiped away his tears with his free hand, "And now.... now I can't stop thinking about what you might've looked like. Helpless against Minho. These thoughts are eating me alive."

There it was. The other half of the internal battle Jinki was having with himself. The anger, the regret, the sadness. All of the feelings were there and Jinki had no idea where to even start to process them. Throwing all of the baggage from that night into the mix with Jinkis world being turned upside down trying to figure himself out, was really taking a toll on his mental health. Letting Kibum see this side of him was a good thing, because he was starting to gain some insight as to why he's been so acting so off recently.

"Jinki.. I didn't know it was that bad.." Kibum held his hand tighter than before, "If it makes you feel any better, I talked to Jonghyun the other day and he seems okay. Maybe we should both talk to him? Get all of this out in the open so you don't have to live with this guilt?" He didn't know what else to do. Seeing Jinki this emotional was intense to say the least, and he didn't know what was the right thing to say.

"I don't know.. if he even wants to talk about it, he probably would've called me or talked to me about it when I've seen him in person." He shook his head and sniffled.

"Jinki it's a tough subject, and I know it is, but I think talking about it would help you both. So you can heal and he can get some answers to questions he might have."

Jinki was silent.

"Please just talk to him, I'm begging you. He can come over and I'll be right here with you~"

"Fine, if you think it'll help, then fine." He was starting to shut down. All of this was too much for him and he was starting to feel like he was losing control.

"Jinki, stop it. Don't be short with me, I'm trying to help you."

"I know, I'm tired and I want to take a nap, okay?" That was his way of ending the conversation.

"Alright.." Kibum sighed and let go of his olders hand, standing up after, "Do you want to go lay in my bed? I'll lay with you if you want~"

"I'm fine on the couch." Kibum felt defeated. It seemed like they had just gotten so far, but it was like Jinki took one step foreword and three steps back.

Kibum nodded and looked down, going to his room by himself.