Know This (A Book of Poetry)

The Part that Couldn't Stay

At the time,

It never occurred to me that I could lose you

And looking back

The ways in which you were so insanely

Inhumanly

Unfairly

Perfect,

They seem too surreal.

The old photographs and videos

Are the only way I remember your voice,

Your angular face,

But they can't capture the trueness of this love

That we had,

Severed by the cruelest hand;

I can't imagine your body rotting in the ground,

My heart beating as yours decays

And goddamn how I loved you,

In so many ways.

The doctors tell me

You're in a better place

And I hope

That there isn't an afterlife

Because if there was

You'd feel what I feel--

The most intense longing

To see your springing step;

To catch a glimpse of your grinning face;

To hold you in one last warm embrace...

Because the last time we hugged

I was crying too hard

To acknowledge that your pulse was gone

And as you laid in the hospital bed

Your family pushed me aside so they could see

And hug you,

But oh, oh, oh,

You were gone...and I hope,

I hope the last thing you saw was me

And I hope that you forgot you were hooked up to machines

With blood flowing in and out,

I hope, for a second, you thought I was the only person

In the world

Because for a moment,

I thought you were.

There are parts of you that are left behind

All the things you ever wrote to me,

All the videos of us;

All the pictures I have of you...

But they'll never be enough.

The hardest thing

Is keeping the memories

But not dwelling on them...

Because I know if I don't remember every day,

They'll be gone---

But it is a pain like no other

When I lie in bed and reminisce,

Tears wetting the pillow;

Legs shaking in agony...

So I have to think of other things,

Of happier times...

But the part I remember ever day

Was the part that couldn't stay.