Sad poems

"I will survive"

Sorry this ones a little long, it's basically my life story😬

Once upon a time,
There was a princess,
I was a princess.
I was happy and had everything.

I didn't need any guy,
I had all the friends I wanted,
I liked the way I looked,
I loved my family and I was sure they loved me back.

As I grew older I became a little unhappy.
It was like I was being locked in a tower.
It felt like nothing so I shrugged it off,
I started liking guys,
but none of them liked me back.
I still had all my friends,
and I was making even more.
I didn't really like the way I looked,
But it wasn't on my mind.

The comments from my mom really didn't help.
I still loved my family,
and I thought I was sure my family loved me back,
but I didn't know.

Growing and growing,
Just like my  love for everyone,
some people not reciprocating it.
I grew older,
and started to notice guys liking me back,
not many but a few.

I liked it,
So I went behind my parents back.
I fell in love,
And he loved me back.
I didn't have that many friends,
But I didn't need them,
I loved the ones I had.

Hating the way I looked and feeling insecure,
He made me feel good about myself.
My parents made me hate everything,
From my lifeless brown eyes,
To my dull brown hair,
To the chubby body I hated
so much and looked at with resent.

I loved my family,
But I knew they hated.
Eventually,
Everything slowly broke.

First;
My heart, after realizing I still loved him
even after we broke up,
But he was with another girl,
I didn't matter to him anymore.
They always say to follow your heart,
But when it's broken in a million little pieces
which part do you follow?

Second;
My family's trust,
They found out about the guy,
I lost everything.

Third;
The friendship with my best friend,
That one person I loved and trust,
Leaving me in the dust.
There was no one,
Nothing.
I was broken,
But no one could see it.

I hated myself so much,
I just wanted everything to stop.
The hurtful coping mechanisms
weren't working anymore,
So I turned to pills.

Although I survived,
A cold numb feeling came creeping in.
mending things with my best friends,
And getting over that guy were
the best things I could've done,
But there was still a broken feeling there.

I was trying to be happy,
But it's weird how i was trying to find something
that's a complete stranger to me,
It was like I was in a crowded room
full of people i didn't know,
And I was looking for someone I knew,
When in reality there was no one there.

Opening up to new friends after
putting up those walls for months felt good.
I started to love myself again,
But they took it away,
Society, took it away.

Laughing with a big group of friends,
Half of the time my mask was up,
But it was the only way to find that
unfamiliar feeling of happiness,
Until all the drama started.

I was left,
Having only fourfriends.
I tried to open up to my family,
But the only emotions that came out,
were judgement.
So the walls came back, again,
Like a little an annoying pest.

Trust only being given to:
myself and four true friends.
Happiness,
I might finally be happy.
I found a guy I really liked,
He liked  me back.

I let my walls down for him,
I Eventually fell in love with him,
And he loving me from the moment he met me.
But I couldn't do it.
I couldn't break my family's trust, again.
Nothing is worth losing right now,
Not even for him.

So I broke his heart,
Breaking myself in the process.
I still love and miss him,
But he needs to move on.
Thinking about him constantly,
Hurting myself and hiding it at the same time.

Broken and sad,
I'm trying to become happy again,
Until the guns that kept being shot at me
by my parents  became too much,
Each word leading to the
trust issues and hurt I have today.

"BANG"
"You're so stupid."
"BANG"
"Why can't you be like your sister."
"BANG"
"You're so fat, eat less." 
"BANG"

I've heard these words from my family all my life,
But it never affected me,
Until now.

Exercising and eating healthy,
one of my coping methods,
The numbers dropping.
"Maybe they'll like me more now...
Maybe I'll actually be perfect."
But obsession decided to take over my brain.

I exercised too much and stopped eating,
Now the numbers are  dropping too quickly.
Becoming scared of something that keeps you alive,
It's the scariest feeling.

I'm still like this,
But no one sees or cares.
Heartbroken, depressed, lonely, hurting, and dying.
But as long as the right words are said,
And actions are portrayed the same as they were before,
I'm fine right?

No, I'm not.
But no one cares either way.

In the beginning,
I was happy and had everything.
I didn't need any guy,
I had all the friends I wanted,
I liked the way I looked,
I loved my family and I was sure my family loved my back.

Now,
I'm unhappy and I have nothing,
I want that one specific guy, but can't have him,
I have only a few friends,
but it feels like they're slowly being pushed away,

I hate the way I look,
Starving myself and putting makeup on
is the only way to fix it,
I loved my family,
But now the only thought that crosses my mind
is that they hate me.

I'm broken,
And I wants it all to end,
But fighting with myself everyday,
Is how I'm going to survive,
"I will survive."
And it will be a
Happily Ever After.