How could we say Goodbye?

Chapter 14

Grant was gone.

He had been for 26 days now. Every day was as painful as the next; it never ever got better. You couldn’t bring yourself to Skype him as often as you had promised, because every time you both had to say goodbye again you cried yourself to sleep, when you did sleep.

Sophie would come round every day to check you were eating and staying healthy; that’s how bad it was. You couldn’t concentrate on anything. Every room had a memory of Grant in it.

You had stopped drawing any pictures that were ordered, saying you were unable to complete it, and therefore not earning any money except for at the bookshop.

Luke wasn’t with you either, he and Doug were living together now, you couldn’t even think about it as jealous sickening thoughts crept into your mind whenever you did; and you knew that that wasn’t YOU.

The only drawings you did complete were ones of Grant that you had on your phone or any camera. The nicest one was a picture Sophie took of you and Grant slow dancing together on the night of the karaoke; you were smiling into his shoulder and he was kissing your forehead.

The pain was unbearable. Looking at that picture was the only part of the drug of Grant you had left.

When you weren’t doing anything else, you were crying.

When you weren’t crying you were staring into space.

Sophie was getting increasingly worried about you by the middle of December, It had been 4 months now, she kept inviting you over and at first you would always be smiling, you were getting really good at pretending to be happy, but by the end of the visit, the smiles had drained all colour of your face, and you had to come back and lie down to either just rest or cry again.

You didn’t even know it was possible to feel like this…

And little to your knowledge, Grant was feeling exactly the same way. He was in the same position, without Doug.

Alone.

Neither of you knew what to do…

***

It was Christmas Eve, you were with Sophie and Matt, Luke and Doug, they  had come over as well for the week, so you could all spend your Christmas together, and here you were again, fifth wheeling…

You had even been going to see a councillor over the last few weeks, she hadn’t helped one bit, but at least Sophie was less worried about you.

On top of all this you felt extremely guilty, feeling that you had been a burden to them, frustrating and bring them down when they were trying to be happy around you. You couldn’t help it, you just hoped they understood.

“Guys…” You say, everyone goes silent and turns to you, almost surprised by your choice to talk. “I wanted to say, I'm sorry. I feel like I've been such a burden to you all, annoying you because I don’t seem to be able to feel happy."

"If I'm honest, I've kind of grown to hate myself. You have all tried so hard to help me, and I haven’t been willing to help myself. From now on, I really want that to change. If… if”

You stop from the pain of saying his name, tears coming to your eyes. “Grant… If Grant and I, see each other again, it is clearly meant to be, and I will wait until that day happily, and I mean happily; because, to be honest, the last few months have been the hardest months of my live, and hopefully it won’t ever get any worse.
If they did, I might as well not live at all, because that’s what it’s felt like recently. Not living…”

You let tears tumble down your cheeks.

“So, let’s make a toast” You say raising your glass of white wine, looking into the fire, you pause “Wait a second…You say, running upstairs and kneeling to grab Grant’s christmas present and running back down again “I need to put this under the tree!”

You say and sniff wiping away the excess of your tears as the others laugh softly.

“Anyway! A toast!” You exclaim and everyone raises their glasses. “To happiness, new beginnings, friendship and most importantly, love.” You say as the couples in front of you kiss each other happily. You brave through the pain of seeing them and take a deep breath.

“Sorry babe” Sophie says and holds your hand but you smile and shake your head.

“No go ahead, it’s nice to see the happiness, because I know how you all feel.” You say and Sophie looks at you proudly.

You touch glasses in the middle of the table and take a sip of your wine before the door knocks. “I’ll get it!” You say getting an excuse to leave the couples to themselves.

You open the door and your face drains of any colour.

You collapse against the wall.

“Babe? Who is it?” Sophie asks, walking out and stopping in her step as she saw who it was before running back to the couples and shouting “I saw nothing!!”

The familiar feeling of his hand falls against your face, as he drops his bags before embracing your weak structure. You fall into him, your body’s touching and that all familiar look in the pools of green on his face. You can’t even stand properly; he’s literally holding you up.

“Grant…” you whisper and Grant gives you a sad smile which you return to him.

The same electric sparks fly through your body when he touches you, instantly making you feel charged again and alive.

And happy.

You finally felt really truly happy, after all these months.

“I heard what you said…” Grant whispered in your ear and you grin at the sound of his voice. “To be honest, I've been exactly the same. Not performing to my best, crying, it’s been hell without you babe. I came to ask, officially, because your answer depends on where I stay for the next few years… Will you, officially, be my girlfriend? Plus... you said I could come and live with you for Christmas...”

You are already tired of his talking and stand on your tiptoes, pressing your lips against his own, remembering the cold, refreshing taste. You deepen the kiss and jump up, wrapping your legs around his waist as he grabs you, supporting you.

You sigh and rest your head against his, your hand on his perfectly formed jaw, and your thumb rubbing his cheek bone. His hand was running throughout your hair, for a moment you thought you were dreaming, but no, this dream was now reality;

You could finally be happy again.

You could finally feel safe again.

“Never go away.” You said softly, kissing him once more.

“I won’t” he replied in that same old voice, making you feel safe and comforted.

Everything was going to be okay.

You weren’t alone.

He was back for good.

YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY 

THIS STORY ISNT FINISHED BTW! This was part one, but i will still be updating it :) Let me know your thoughts so far!

Im really enjoying writing this, and this chapter was a bit of an emotional roller coaster - but i hope you like it!

Thanks so much for reading! Xxx