How could we say Goodbye?

Chapter 20

Looking in the mirror you saw a girl who you didn’t know. You had huge black bags under your eyes, which were puffy and red, bloodshot from crying. Your skin was chalk white, and you had barely eaten in 2 days so your form was limp and un naturally skinny.

Sophie knocked softly on the door before entering, wearing a black maxi dress for the funeral, and looking stunning as always. “Babe?” She said gently, “come here”. She pulled you into a tight hug.

“We need to get ready darling, you have to be there in 30 minutes.” Sophie hid your under eye circles with a shit tonne of concealer, putting blusher on your white cheeks and a smudge of mascara and eyeliner.

You slipped into your dress, the top was lace and was tight down to your waist, before flowing out into a just above the knee skater skirt. You put on some small black kitten heels on and looked at yourself in the mirror again.

The dress fit your figure, showing your slim and curvy figure, but you didn’t feel special in it.

You made your way downstairs to see Luke, he pulled you into a bear hug. “Don’t you go crying unless you wanna look like some kinda exotic panda okay?!” He said trying to lighten the mood, you smiled for the first time in 2 days, a real smile.

“Okay… we all ready?” Sophie said as Grant placed a hand round your waist and kissed the top of your head lightly.

“You look gorgeous babe” He whispered in your ear, you felt his breath tingle down your spine as he spoke. Looking up at him you gave him a sad smile and pecked his lips.

He also looked incredibly handsome in his suit, you put an arm round his waist and let yourself rest on his side as you made your way to the funeral.

When it was your turn to give a speech, you asked Grant to come up with you. You didn’t know if you would faint or collapse, and you were grateful for the support.

“…I don’t really know where to begin.” You said, holding back tears. “Thank you, for coming here. My mum and dad would be very grateful, as would Maisie. What pains me the most, Maisie will never feel her first love, she will never feel that happiness. She was only 8…” you trailed off looking at the ground and closing your eyes.

Grant placed a hand on your shoulder and squeezed it tightly, giving you the strength to carry on.

“Anyway, they will forever be in our hearts, forever loved. They were good, good people, and they didn’t deserve this; but, it happened. We can’t change that. They were some of the most important people in my life, and I know that they’re all listening, so I want to take this opportunity to say that they were the strongest, most genuine and gorgeous people I've ever met. Although dad was a bit of a Drama Queen…”

You smiled as the room chuckled sadly.

“Being here today, made me realise that I cannot ever shut the world out, I can’t think of myself as alone and from a broken family… because I'm not. I have an incredible, beautiful family, and one that will always be there for me where ever they are now. At least they are in a better place, and when I look up at the sky at night… they will always be the brightest stars in the sky. They will always be there for me, and at least Lily, my younger sister, has them to look after her up there, as do I. I love them, we all do. There will never be a group of people who I treasure more in my heart. Thank you.”

You finished and let Grant take you back to your seat, nearly everyone was crying by then.

“They would be so so proud of you.” Grant whispered in your ear, you took a deep breath and smiled at him gratefully, before sitting down during the applause.

Throughout the rest of the ceremony, you kept a smile on.

Appearing confident was the least you could do. Even though your heart was literally torn apart, you couldn’t break, not here, not now. You didn’t even know what to feel, you knew you weren’t alone, you knew you were loved; but it would never be the same. Ever.

You looked over to Grant and smiled softly, he was talking to Sophie, Matt and Doug; but where was Luke? You sighed as you saw them all talking away to each other.

Why cant I ever be truly happy?

Why when everything is okay, does something always go wrong?

Why does this ALWAYS happen to ME?

“Hey babe, are you okay? I know you said you were… it is okay to cry, to break down. You know that right?” Luke interrupted your thoughts, you smiled softly a him.

“Thank you Luke, I-I know it is. I just-I cant believe, I will never ever be able to go up to their door for a hug again. Never see little Maisie, she was so young oh god Luke she was so so young. I've lost them Luke. Lost them. All of them. I’ll never be able to feel that same comfort again, those same damn stupid drama queen attacks my dad gave, those little squeals from little Maisie, and never be able to have a chat with Mum. She was my role model Luke, I won’t ever get to sit down for a family meal again. Fuck Luke she’s gone, they’re all gone. I can never tell them how much I love them again…”

You cried into Luke’s shirt as he pulled you into a hug and kept you there.

“Ca-Can you sta-stay with me-me and Grant tonight?” You ask him, you loved having both of the boys in the house. “Do-Doug can come as well.” You just wanted more company tonight, and at least they can be happy together instead of you just bringing Grant down.

“Of course we can babe” He says stroking your hair and smiling softly at your face before kissing your forehead.

Reality hadn’t hit you so hard before.

You’ll never

Ever

See them again.

Never.

Gone.

Forever.

Let me know what you think :) Alot is yet to come! Possibly half way now!?

Short chapter, but i needed to get it in there. From now on i will be posting once a week (depending on how much i can get done at one time! Hope thats okay!) Love you! Thanks so much for reading, keep commenting and letting me know your thoughts

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