Dating The Aspie

Chapter 2: Apathy

For some background, me and my SO, (we'll call him Jason), were lunch buddies in the beginning of our junior year. We sat together with some mutual friends and chit chatted.

I had a hardcore crush on him right from the get-go. Brown eyes, short black hair, really cute smile, just like EEEEEE! All the alarm bells were ringing YES. But, I am super shy around guys I like, so I ended up just keeping my mouth shut.

Until...

I have no idea what demonic (or angelic) force possessed me but one day when our mutual friends were busy with a group project, I spoke to him. It was just him and I, but my big girl pants grew three sizes that day. 

As I would find out through this interaction, we both had been in a long distance relationship, as our first relationship, and had never dated anyone ever since. We somehow even delved into our own mental issues and how he struggled with aspergers, and I with anxiety. We continued to bounce the conversation off each other until the bell rang, and my already exhausted confidence somehow blurted out "What's your number?"

As our friendship continued, I discovered some amazing, and not-so-amazing things about Jason. He opened up to me about being severely bullied, much like myself, and having a hard time experiencing emotion ever since. However, Jason seemed sweet, kind, and courteous whenever I spoke with him. He was a little blunt and shy at times, but never mean spirited.

From my educated guess, I attributed his lack of emotion to depression, since his only close friends had been such big meanie faces. Even though he had told me he was diagnosed with Aspergers, he appeared to be so high functioning that it didn't even occur to me.

My only view of Aspergers at the time was through my cousin, who I rarely saw. When I had last seen her, she still wore a diaper to bed, at 14 years old. She bit a hole in one of our pool floaties when she "didn't get what she wanted," and in my opinion, acted like a brat. This girl was two years older than me and I was better behaved than her! (In my eyes, anyway)

Nowadays, I know much more than I did, and I better understand how Aspergers can be misinterpreted. At the time, all I knew was that my experiences with Aspergers were not similar to the cute 16 year-old who sat across from me at lunch. The one who was quiet and polite. He would respect those around him and never do anything like her, right?

However, I would find it was more than depression that seemed to be complicating his emotions. Through the quiet facade, I noticed he struggled to empathize with one of our mutual friends when she had an outburst, resulting in a squabble between the two of them. Of course, I knew she (let's call her Hailey) was a difficult personality.  Dealing with a household like hers could make anyone irritable. It wasn't surprising that he might have a hard time comprehending that kind of behavior.

I learned, however, that even after explaining her situation, he struggled to understand. He didn't seem to be able to "step in her shoes." For me, empathy came as second nature, so it was a little disorienting to say the least. However, I let this pass as merely a difficult subject to understand and maybe even "severe depression?" I knew I wasn't therapist but I have always loved psychology, and psychoanalysis was a helpful coping mechanism, purely for my sanity, when dealing with difficult situations such as Hailey's or Jason's.

This situation with Jason would only become more prevalent, and eventually would lead to...

Oops! I'm getting ahead of myself. We aren't quite there yet!

After the interaction, I didn't talk to Jason much since Hailey and him had some beef to work out. However, I wanted to keep them both as my friends. This resulted in an awkward period of time where I felt as if I were on a tightrope between the two of them. Eventually, I reconnected with Jason after they finally set aside their squabble, and realized they were better off as friends, not enemies. Hence, saving my friendship with both of them.

After they had become more amicable with one another, he invited our lunch table over his house to play video games, and I noticed he was very eager to invite me. I blamed it on the lack of time since we had spoken to one another, but a part of me wondered if there was more to it...

dot. Dot. DOT.

I know, I love a cliffhanger.

Anyways, that's really how we began. Friends who confided about our not-so-fun first relationships, and realized we had some striking similarities! We were both entering uncharted territory, and were unsure what was going to happen next!

I'll try my best to update on a weekly basis (At least! Maybe more!) For your reading pleasure. Again, questions and comments are welcomed and I am so happy to be sharing my experiences with you!

Yours Truly,
Lynn