chapter 3 : silent screaming
The task of expressing one's views or feelings can be quite burdensome . It could be because all of us have our own perspective towards the world and the difference might offend one another . That must be why we keep our thoughts to ourselves . Even the most outspoken person have a lot of stuff buried inside their heart that they never talk about .
We want to say something . Something , anything . But we don't . We bottle it all up . Little by little , until a possible volcano is built . There will be times , when our soda like heart will tremble and shake . Due to fear ? pain ? loneliness ? sorrow ? exasperation? or even happiness ? Or maybe just the sheer fact of not knowing what it is that we're feeling . And before you know , the bottle of soda is already full . Even the slightest of shiver will make it frizz out . Like a dormant volcano , waiting to erupt .
Everybody feels this way . Some are just better at hiding it . Or are they really hiding ? Because if you look at them closely , you'll see the signs . From something as simple as blinking of eyes to twitching of fingers . It's all there . Waiting for us to notice . They just don't know how to say it out loud . But they do want to be heard . They do want to be seen . We all do . But we don't . We don't listen to their wails of sorrow . We don't see their tears of exasperation . And even if we do , we ignore them . The world is cruel and so are we . we choose to drown in our own self pity . Too busy thinking about our own troubles . Because that's what we do . As a human , we think for ourselves . We live for ourselves . In our story , we're the main characters . We're the only one that matters . The rest are in sidelines .
This unspoken motto of ours , has saved many from possible deceivers . So we follow it , like our life depends on it . However , not everybody has a same stroke of luck .
P.S.
Hi . How are you doing ? Welcome , yet again , to another chapter . This one is quite short but I was happy with how it turned out . Here I'm trying explain this feeling of void and emptiness mixed with bottled up emotions , in the best way as I could . I feel like , we all get this type of feeling , one time or another . We're hurt but we're not . We're sad but we're not . We're happy but we're not . But then , maybe I just need to get out my house . Oh well . See you next time . :)
p.S.S- I absolutely love this music. And I found this in the comment section .
The story behind the song is that from ancient China and of a beautiful Chinese girl, Lian -Hua or Lotus Blossom who at 12 summers, was kidnapped by another clan. It was the Chinese ambassadors son, Chin Win who was much older and first lay eyes on her while she traveled with her family to his lands in the east to trade. Lian's father, Cho, a musician and instrument maker had traveled there to sell the flutes and ruans he crafted, in the Great Emperors court.Upon her return home, Chin ordered a faction of the Great Emperors army to escort Lian -Hua and her family back to their lands in the west. As honored as Lian's family was for the kind gesture, little did they know Chin's real motive. By sunrise Lian had vanished and was nowhere in sight. Under the cover of night a few of Chin's men gagged and tied her and rode away eastward. For days her family searched and mourned for Lian -Hua with the help of Chin's men, who only pretended to help as they knew all too well of her disappearance. Not fully knowing what happened to Lian -Hua, they feared she was dead and with that, many years passed. In those years, Lian -Hua had grown more beautiful than when she first arrived to the house of Chin. Chin tried for many years to win the love of Lian -Hua, but knowing of her abduction, she rejected him and thought only of her family and the lands to the west she so desperately missed. Chin grew frustrated with Lian -Hua and imprisoned her as punishment. Chin so loved Lian -Hua but her affection he could not have. As such, he became embittered and drank heavily and with Lian -Hua being held captive, he visited her one night, drunk and furious. "I bring you to this land in the hopes of making a better life for you and making you my wife and yet -you are ungrateful!" Chin said furiously while reaching for his knife as if to strike her. Lian -Hua, chained to the ground below slowly looked up at Chin. Her beautiful face radiated with the light of the fool moon shining through the window. -"Wait!" Lian cried.-"Know now that I came here captured by your will. My home, my family is beyond the mountains to the west, not here with you, yet you imprison me like a caged bird that I may someday love you." Chin raised his head higher still holding his knife as Lian -Hua went on.-"It is you Chin, who is a prisoner among yourself. For as long as I am held here, I will never love you...never." Tears swelled her eyes. It was these very words that Lian –Hua spoke that further enraged Chin. "Then if you can never love me, no one ever will!" With that, Chin took his knife and cut the right side of Lian's beautiful face. A struggle ensued as Chin tried to have his way with Lian –Hua. She tried desperately to fight him off -only to feel the blade of his knife strike her in the chest. In her struggle, Lian –Hua let out a gasp and slowly fell to the ground. That same night Lian –Hua's mother Mei awoke from a dream she had. In her dream she heard Lian -Hua call to her and felt she was near. Mei rose and went outside and looked around calling to her daughter. "Lian –Hua, Lian –Hua, where are you?" She cried running, looking. "I am here my beautiful daughter, I am here." The old woman cried. Now exhausted she fell to her knees weeping. Then realizing it was just a dream, she looked up to the heavens and prayed to the spirits for acting foolish. To her amazement, Mei noticed a shooting star flying westward leaving a slight glimmering trail that slowly dissipated in the sky above her. In old China, this is known as "A Trail of Angels." Somehow Lian –Hua's mother knew that her daughter had returned to her that night but was now in the spirit world. Revealing this dream to Cho the next day, Cho picked up a flute and played this very song to the memory of Lian –Hua, a lotus that forever blossoms.
