XueXiao Drabbles Collection

ModernAU - Is not you

Compared to those days in the past, things are so different.

Xueyang lies there on his bed, dozing off while his eyes locked onto the painted ceiling above his head. His eyes staring at nothing in particular. The way he stills, if not because of his chest heaving up and down to show he's still breathing, he is no different than an aging corpse. His mind is on the opposite state, however.

How many centuries has it passed, he couldn't tell. One thing for sure, an outrageous thing, a secret he is carrying since birth, it weighted down his mind so much as time passed. His current 26-year-old-self starting to question his own sanity. Well, he always did, but getting more intense lately. All because he met that certain someone by chance, which incurs the painful memories stored deep inside his mind.

He thought, in this life, he will be able to break away from the cruel fate.

The beeping sound from his smartphone break the silence. He doesn't move, doesn't react in any way. His smartphone beeps again. And again. And again. And again. He wonders how many texts that person is going to send, despite knowing he will not answer. Why that person insist on staying is also beyond him. What for? Are those painful days, the heart-breaking memories, wasn't enough?

Sound of the bell this time. Someone is standing in front of his door, relentlessly pushing the bell.

Xueyang groans and finally rose from his bed, dragging his legs to the front door to spat on whoever is it disturbing his precious rest. The string of curses already hanging between his lips, ready to slips out anytime, almost, almost yelled-out for sure. If not because the one standing there is the person giving himself a headache, he might end up brutally beaten random person.

"What are you doing here?"
"Why didn't you reply to my texts?"
"I'm resting."
"You're lazying around."

Xiao Xingchen pushes Xueyang away and nonchalantly enters the apartment. His eyebrows furrowed and instinctively covers his nose as soon as the heavy smell of cigarettes enters his nostrils.

"Have you been smoking indoor?"
"I do what I want. This's my house."
"That's dangerous. Xueyang, how many times do I have to tell you?"
"Shut up. You're not my mom."
"I am your brother."

Xueyang feels his heart stabbed mercilessly.

"Stepbrother."
"Still your brother."

Xiao Xingchen continues with his scolding while opening every window available in the house. Xueyang sits on the sofa, continuing his dozing off activity and doesn't bother to listen. Even so, he couldn't ignore Xiao Xingchen's present in that room. His eyes still following the older man moving around while cleaning up. His ears might already be blocked to hear the rambling, but his mind still replaying the memory from the distant past. Something only himself could recall. Something he isn't able to wrap around his head, yet vividly carved.

"Xueyang, do you hear me?"

Xueyang shifts his gaze, landed on that blurred line drawn around Xiao Xingchen's neck.

"Mm."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Mm."

Xiao Xingchen stares at him. The little-stepbrother he met a year ago was a little warmer than this, from what he heard. Yet when they finally met, after that shocking hugs he received on that first meeting, Xueyang turned cold and distant towards him. Maybe he's hated? Because they aren't related by blood? Because he can't become a good big-brother figure for Xueyang?

"Xueyang."
"Mm?"
"Do you hate me?"

A pause, long ones.

"No."
"You took a while to answer."
"I don't hate you. It's not like that."
"Then why are you... Only cold around me?"