Cross My Heart (Explicit Version)

~Chapter Five~

"Alex has been such a helpful source in these times of grief. I adore her so much and honestly, I missed her a ton," Robert said. He had been rambling about Alex for the past half hour. It made me miss Brooklyn a lot. I remembered my conversation with Jaime about struggles of a long-distance relationship.

"You doing okay?" Meredith asked me. I nodded and swallowed back tears. "You're not. Come with me," she said, putting away my empty plate. It was empty. That just hit me. I ate a full meal at long last. "Bri, take Emma. We'll be out for two hours tops."

Meredith grabbed the keys, her phone, and her wallet. I followed her into the car where she started driving. To where, I had no idea. It was definitely not Secret's Hollow. We made it to Adler. "It's closed," I pointed out to Meredith.

"Not to us," she said, swiping her work ID by the door. It beeped, granting us entry. Meredith locked the door behind her. "Come on, this room is therapeutic," she said opening a door to a dark room. She flipped a light switch and swirling galaxies and constellations showed up. "You can lay down."

I did lay down, and Meredith next to me. "If you don't want to talk about anything, that's fine. If you do, that's also fine. We have this whole space for a while," she said.

"I'm scared," I confessed at last. The big dipper was above us. "I miss Grandma and I'm scared that Clark and I will have to break up because of the long distance. And I'm scared that Robert will forget me. I know he loves Alex and I'm happy for him and all, but I feel a little replaced. It hurts. I know that sounds selfish, but I wanted to be with him through this whole grieving process. I didn't know I could hurt so much. I've sprained my ankle and hurt my knee. I've had hip and back problems. None of that hurts so much. Though it isn't fair to compare them, because they're different types of pain."

I took a shaky inhale. "L, I get it. Grief is the most painful experience of a lifetime. Clark, for as long as I've known him, he's always the one with his heart broken. He isn't the one to cheat or break a relationship. I don't believe he would change his ways now. He isn't that type of person. As for Robert, it's completely different. I remember you two talking one night. He said- and I quote- 'Lu, I promise to never replace you with anyone. No girlfriend could ever replace you,'" Meredith said. Scorpio came over us. "And it will hurt. No one knows for how long. You could hurt him, or you could talk to him. Like when you guys shared a bed. You are giving him your vulnerability and the least he could do is not talk about Alex all the time. I am also tired of it and I bet Brian is too. Also Emma. She may be only a month old, but she must be tired of it. Are you ready to go home, or do you want to stay for a bit longer?"

"Home," I whispered. We got up and Meredith turned off the lights. She locked the planetarium behind her and we headed home. When Meredith got a text, my phone buzzed in unison. I checked mine. From Bobby Dazzle: Staying at the manor tonight... don't worry. I'll be back by lunch tomorrow most likely. He sent that in the house chat and another message followed. From Bobby Dazzle: Staying safe. I turned off my phone and left it face-down.

We arrived home, where Brian was watching Modern Family. Emma was asleep in her crib, as shown in the baby monitor. I got ready for bed and grabbed my phone, fulfilling the promise I had made so long ago. I first called Darren. "Elle, you doing okay?" He asked me.

"Yeah. I'm eating two full meals per day now. I've talked with Jaime and Mere. How are you?" I asked Darren.

"Good. Work is taking up a lot of time, though. I get up, shower and change and then go to set. If I'm lucky, I can get something to eat or drink that isn't coffee. I get home at ten, eat a small dinner, then do the whole thing over again. It's killing me. I don't get to see Juls or Sophia that much. And I know Juls needs me. She can't do a two year old while being pregnant with twins. I feel useless. So unimaginably useless. I haven't even properly had a good conversation for a while now. It's destroying me from the inside out, Elle," he ranted.

"DareBear, you're going to be okay. Put together, you probably have an hour at work you don't do work, right?" I said.

"Yeah," he said.

"You can text Juls. And when the twins come, paternity leave exists," I said, "And I can always come over and help."

"Right. Thanks for checking in, Elle. I love you," Darren said.

"I love you, too, DareBear," I said, hanging up and immediately calling Chuck.

"How's it going, Elle?" Chuck asked.

"Imagine the worst time in your life and multiply it by four. Then have it everyday. That's how it's going and my life is crumbling around me. I miss Grandma and I'm scared that Clark and I will have to break up because of the long distance. And I'm scared that Robert will forget me. I know he loves Alex and I'm happy for him and all, but I feel a little replaced. It hurts. I know that sounds selfish, but I wanted to be with him through this whole grieving process. I didn't know I could hurt so much. I've sprained my ankle and hurt my knee. I've had hip and back problems. None of that hurts so much. Though it isn't fair to compare them, because they're different types of pain. It's just not good," I concluded.

"That's all that's going on? At once? The universe is really screwing you up," Chuck said.

"Those are the words straight from my mouth," I said, "I was going to talk to Robert, but he's with Alex at the manor tonight."

"That sucks. I don't know how to help. I'll always be here for you. Cross my heart," Chuck said.

"I love you," I said.

"I love you, too. Go to sleep, Elle," he said, hanging up. I put my phone to charge and tried to focus on my book. I tried, but I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried.

Disclaimer: I only own Luna and the plot line.

I don't have much to say, but I'm sorry the update is late, school is kicking my butt.

--Luna :D