Tight Trouser Never Won Fair Angel

Chapter Four (A Fairy In A Tree Is Worth Having Him In Hand)

How To Woo A Fairy King, By Anthony J Crowley
Step 1: Steal child
Step 2: Dress Slutty
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Profit

-/-

The feeling of love grew stronger the deeper Aziraphale moved into the labyrinth of trees. And it truly was a labyrinth: the trees parted to form a pathway, moved together to prevent him pressing away from the given trail, sometimes changing the pathway behind him as he advanced. He wondered if the whole of the labyrinth was a forest, or if he might at some point find places of stone walls, or grass, or hedges instead.

He wished he had some way of finding his way through the labyrinth more easily, but none of the tricks he'd prepared would help him there- there was nothing that could aid in the passing of a goblin king's labyrinth, at least no trick of Aziraphale's knowing. Only one who dwelled in the labyrinth by its king's will could navigate it surely.

Which, come to that, perhaps Aziraphale might find one of the city's inhabitants. He could strike up a bargain. A guide was not against the rules- in fact, very few tricks were.

He came to a fork in the path, and closed his eyes, letting what remained of his senses feel around. The feeling of love permeated the entire area, but more was coming from the left hand path, so he turned down that one. One of the labyrinth's inhabitants, perhaps, who could be bribed into guiding him.

-/-

Crowley paced in his tower, thoughts on the fairy he'd inadvertently forced into his game.

"Aziraphale," he murmured, tasting the name. Not his real name, of course, but such a radiant alias. It was sweet on his serpent's tongue; as sweet as the fairy himself had been, when Crowley had succumbed to the temptation and tasted the air around him.

The human boy chattered at him in his incomprehensible toddler syllables, and Crowley swooped down and scooped him up, giving him a playful toss before spinning him around.

"Aziraphale!" he repeated, making faces at the little human boy. "You're such a lucky boy, you know. Do you know? You have a fairy godfather. Not many people have one of those."

He stared intently at the boy while he replied, and then nodded very sagely, as if the child had just imparted some deep wisdom on him.

"I think," he said, "that I need to make him fall in love with me. It's never worked before, but this time, I'm sure of it." And nodded decisively, and called to a nearby goblin, "You! Go get my tightest trousers and my sluttiest shirt!"

And turned back to the child, spinning him in a silly, impromptu dance to the music that started playing as soon as he decided he wanted to dance. [1]

-/-

Another hour had passed.

Aziraphale felt like he'd made no progress whatsoever, and another hour had passed. How deep was he into the labyrinth's depths? He was still surrounded by the same trees, still going down paths that all looked the same- had he been retracing his steps? There was no way of knowing.

He could sense that strong feeling of love growing, though. He eyed the trees directly aside his path thoughtfully, and then, with a few flaps of his wings- lifting himself off of the ground by half a foot- launched at the gap between the two nearest.

It almost worked- the trees hadn't quite known what to expect when he'd started trying to fly, and had been focused on preventing him from breaking through the canopy. But the gap was not quite big enough to fit him through without magic, and he found himself stuck, the trees pressing closer to keep him from wriggling free.