Gay Buffet

Fuck

No AU
[sorry about the length]

It was Katsuki's stupid fucking mom's fault. When wasn't it? She just had to make him come home for the long weekend just because his stupid fucking nieces were getting baptized. Maybe it was their fault. Katsuki of course, immediately declined, but Mitsuki (as much as he hated her) was smarter than that. She decided to hold something over his head she knew would get him to come: a 2019 Yamaha MT-10. That was a motorcycle, a motorcycle he had his eyes set on for a while. Granted, he wouldn't have much use for it, seeing as he was in U.A. and wouldn't need to drive to the dorms since he already lived in them. But it would be a damn cool thing to have.

So, Katsuki went home. What else could he do? As expected, everyone was overjoyed to see him, especially his stupid older brother, Michirou. Michirou took more after Masaru. He had dirty blond hair and brown eyes, one with red peeking out from the bottom of the iris. Sectoral heterochromia. Katsuki would be lying if he said he thought that wasn't cool. Not that that meant stupid Icy-Hot was cool. That bastard was annoying as fuck, though not as annoying as Michirou's twin daughters, Haru and Hana.

They were getting baptized, which was why Katsuki was there in the first place, but they were definitely not getting mature. They still pranced about and sang with their annoying, out-of-tune, high-pitched voices. Whenever he was on his phone, they shrieked that he had a girlfriend was texting her. After he told them he didn't have a girlfriend, they repeated the mantra. Replacing girlfriend with boyfriend.

Mitsuki smirked at him when she heard the song and he wanted nothing more than to claw his own ears off. She was the only one that knew about him being bi-romantic. Somehow, the old hag had managed to keep her mouth shut. The rest of his family (Masaru, Michirou, and Michirou's wife, Aina) just looked confused, if not mildly intrigued.

"Oh? Why haven't I met your boyfriend, Katsuki? He can't be too bright if he's dating you," teased Mitsuki, prompting Katsuki to whip his head up from his hands and to glare at his mom.

"I don't have a boyfriend, you old hag," he hissed back. "Hana and Haru are just being annoying." As usual, he wisely chose not to add in. While Michirou loved him (ew), he was fiercely protective of his girls and would chew out whoever 'dared' to treat them disrespectfully. Apparently, annoying fit the situation even in Michirou's eyes, and Katsuki was not 'chewed out.'

"Now, son," Masaru began tenderly, laying a tentative hand on his wife's shoulder, "I'll love whoever you love."

Katsuki slapped his palm over his face in complete and utter exasperation. "Why the fuck are we talking about this?" he exclaimed, tendrils of smoke beginning to rise off the palm not currently located on the ash blond's face.

"My sister's lesbian," threw in Aina, as if that was relevant to the situation or to literally anything else.

Michirou thought so, as he turned to her incredulously, scoffing, "Seriously? Aimi?" His wife bobbed her head. "Huh. I never woulda guessed."

"I personally think that explains a lot," Mitsuki simpered. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked over at her son, who was flopped back, taking up the entire couch, with one hand hanging off the edge and the other one holding his phone in front of his face. She immediately got the desire to somehow make him drop his phone on top of his face, but she stifled that urge. Katsuki still looked embarrassed. The tips of his ears were burning pink. A flush was even creeping up his neck to his cheeks. So. There wasn't a boyfriend. But was there a crush?

As the family sat around the dinner table, Mitsuki and Masaru seated at both ends of the table, Katsuki was forced to tell them about school. He was next to Michirou, to Mitsuki's right. He suspected that was so she could swat him whenever she deemed it necessary.