A Piece of Me

Superfluous Reasons Why

There are so many things that I would love to tell you

But I physically can't

Because of the anxiety and the risk of losing you completely

Which isn't worth the risk at all

My father wants to know anyways why I'm so attached to you

I could be cliche and limit those reasons to ten or thirteen

But they wouldn't be enough

Even this list I'm about to make won't ever be enough

So anyway, here are all the reasons why, as I attempt to try to get all of them out onto

this laptop and out of this love-ridden mind:

You're genuinely kind-hearted, and I love that about you. You were kind to a stranger instead of laughing at me with your friend, who also happens to be my friend now. We're not strangers anymore.

You keep to yourself and don't make a spectacle of yourself. You chose to sit by yourself and read a couple of times that I noticed, and the times you were with your friends you weren't shouting or being obnoxious. 

That's another thing, you're not obnoxious. 

You're soft-spoken. You're not abrasive with your words or your tones, with me or anyone. 

You were the first person to ever stick up for me in high school, and really, the only person that ever stuck up for me, even though you didn't know who I was. All I was, was someone you stood next to so you could talk to your friend. 

Your eyes. Their green depth captivated me the first time I looked into them. I felt something move in me, in my soul, when I looked into them. Instead of turning to stone, I turned into a puddle of feelings and emotions that I've come close to drowning in every single day since then.

Your consideration and courtesy for people. I realize that everyone should exhibit these things, but being in high school, boys usually don't have those things. But you did and still do. In that attendance line one day, it was cramped because we were all in the west gym instead of the east. I felt claustrophobic so I said so, but I didn't say it expecting anything to change. But it did because you heard me and moved forward. 

To veer off of that, you hear me. Even then, when you didn't know me. You hear me and listen to me. You pay attention to me. I know that you do because you've reiterated things that I've said before, and recall some things that I didn't think you'd remember, like the way I talked about my sister in anatomy class. 

You don't patronize me whenever I tell you something. I don't feel like I have to validate something I've said. And if I do, it's not because of you, it's because of my past experiences with terrible people and the looming fear that I would become a burden to you. 

When I told you one of my biggest secrets, that still is only known to a few people, you didn't scare off, or get scared off. You told me that, and then you said you weren't scared off in the first place. And I appreciated that because I was afraid of what you'd think of that. 

You made me feel comfortable. You still do. I feel like I can be myself around you, I always have. If I'm depressed or anxious, I feel no shame in sharing that with you. If I'm sad about my dead mother, I know that I can talk to someone my age that can relate to me. I feel like I can share my authentic feelings with you and not have someone that doesn't get it telling me how I should feel. 

Also, you never tell me how I should feel. You've told me whenever I've vented to you or explained how I felt, that I'm completely justified in feeling those things. 

You don't try to change my thought process or tell me that I'm being ridiculous or dramatic. 

You give me hope. You've told me that you hope someday I can trust someone enough to live with them, and I still hold on to that, because I hope so too. You give me hope anyways because I see from the things you've told me recently how things are coming together for you and you're becoming happier. That makes me happy. 

You make me laugh. I forget for a little while just how much I hate my life sometimes. 

I trust you because I feel like I can trust you in my soul, no matter how stupid or strange that sounds. Plus, you've never given me a reason to not trust you. 

Your hugs, even though I've only had three, make me feel safe and wanted for those brief few seconds that they last for. I feel an immense amount of warmth radiate off of you whenever you have hugged me. I find myself sad and wanting more. So to answer your question yet again, no, it wouldn't be weird if you hugged me. 

You make me nervous. In a good way, I try when I'm around you. 

Your laugh. It makes me smile. Simple as that. 

You know I'm a dork but you don't make me feel awkward or bad for it. I appreciate that too. 

I feel everything all at once whenever I'm around you. Nervousness, fear to screw up, joy, love. Everything major to me, anyway. Almost every emotion hits me like a train wreck the instant I see you for the first time in a long time and it lingers the entire time I'm around you. And it's exhilarating and frightening all at the same time. 

You aren't full of yourself, you're the opposite. It's not that it's good that you feel like you're not worth my time, but it's good to be humble. 

You aren't high maintenance. We can go to an arcade and I can lose miserably, except at ski-ball, or we can sit on your couch for seven hours and play video games for that whole time. That's all I could need because any time with you is time well spent. 

Somehow, I feel drawn to you, like some sort of unknown sixth sense. I felt it when I became aware of your presence and I still feel it now. I just can't stay away from you, nor do I want to. I can't really explain it other than that. It's like I'm chemically attracted to you. 

You make feeling these things easy. Without even trying. Not even I have to try. 

For some reason, whenever I lose hope when it comes to you, I try to move on but it always backfires, every single time, because I always find myself wishing that they were you or comparing how alike they are to you. It's always come back to you. And probably always will because of these reasons mentioned above.

I love you because you're worth being loved (there, I said it)

And I think we've both been through a lot so I think we both deserve a break

I don't care what you have or don't have

I don't care about materialistic things

All I've ever wanted or cared about was you

And now I have a reason for every year I've lived to prove it

And then some

And to prove to myself that all these years were worth it in the end

And I'll stick by these reasons until the day I die

Because I found you

And you're worth fighting for

You always have been, always will be.