The Perfect Man For The Perfect Woman

chapter 20

January 2,2017

I am standing in front of my apartment door early the next day. I came here immediately I dropped my luggage off  at Tiffany's. I don't know if I should knock or just walk in. What if I ruined everything?

The entire flight was spent with me staring outside the plane window, I can't even remember the view because all those happy moments I've had with Andrew kept coming to mind. Like when he bought ice cream for me while I was up all night cramming for a test with gummy bears as toppings, and the time we baked a cake for our mom's on Mother's Day and had so much fun even though we made a huge mess from fooling around with the flour, to the time we went to one of those costume college parties and ended up in a jacuzzi.

My brain went on overdrive, what if he doesn't love me anymore? He means everything thing to me and thanks to a stupid decision I may lose him. I knew he felt threatened by Nathan, I should have just—I don't even know what I should have changed. If you were in my shoes how would you have dealt with him. How do you choose between two people who are a part of who you are right now? How do you choose between them?

My knuckles freeze just when they are about to touch the door. Maybe he doesn't want to see me. I turn around to go back into the elevator and disappear into the lobby and just get into a cab and back to Tiff's apartment where I will wait and give Andrew space. Wait for him to call, and let me know he wants me back.

'I'm going back home, when you figure this out, come find me'

Those were his words. I need to go in. Feeling much better, I take out my keys from my pocket and unlock the door.

The place is dark but you can see the sunlight from under the curtains. We got really heavy curtains so the sun doesn't get in unless we want it to. Makes it easier to sleep in when we want to and harder to wake up when we don't. There's always pro's and con's of everything.

I walk into the apartment, right past the kitchen.Before I can take a step further a girl steps out from our bedroom into the hallway. She's in panties and Andrew's shirt? Her brown almost black hair reaches her waist. She doesn't spot me until she comes closer.

"Oh shit," She says loudly. "Are you here to see—"

Andrew comes out from the bathroom with a towel around his waist.

"No, I was just leaving." I walk fast to the door

"London!" Is the last thing I hear before shutting the door behind me and running downstairs. When I finally get a cab and get in, Andrew comes out of the building with no shoes and just sweatpants on.

The drive takes forever, or maybe that's how it just felt. I'm numb. Immediately I enter Paige asks me how it went, I ignore and go to the Tiffany's room, shutting and locking the door behind me.

I slide down the door and let it all out. I sit with my knees to my chest and cry, not sob, because at this moment I don't care if the whole world hears me, I am breaking. I can feel my heart practically shatter in my chest and it hurts, it hurts like hell. I feel like am on a cliff and I am falling, an endless fall into a black hole.

Every time I close my eyes I can see that girl, that beautiful girl and at this moment I wish I never met him. I wish I didn't love him because it felt like a knife was stabbed in my heart and it just kept on being twisted over and over again.

I felt horrible, I felt hallow, empty, and more alone than ever. If this is what heartbreak feels like, I'm not surprised there are billions of songs written about it, I'm not surprised that the girlfriends go and destroy their houses and cars. At first i couldn't believe it, that maybe I saw wrong. The whole drive here. Like a memory we're you can't tell if it's a dream or not so you think it was just your imagination. But immediately you realize you didn't imagine it, it was all real, the pain comes back ten times harder.

I feel angry now, like seriously angry because I thought I ruined us but then he comes home and gets into bed with a random person, how very mature of him. I should never have gone there, maybe we were never supposed to last. I look down at my engagement ring and the anger diffuses. I can't be angry with him. Why can't I be angry?

I get up from the floor, unlock the door and open it. Paige almost falls inside. She was sitting with her back against the wall. We stare at each other. Me waiting for her to ask, but she doesn't. I turn back, climb into the bed and get under the covers. My eyes are closed but I hear Paige get in behind me because she sheets ruffles. She wraps her arm around me and places her head on my shoulder.

"I'm here for you, always" She says. I give a nod twice and fall asleep out of exhaustion. A whole night of no sleep and crying for two days will do that to you.

When I wake up, Paige isn't beside me. I find my phone and switch it on. I find messages from my mom, Tiffany, the wedding planner and Andrew.

Mom wanted to know when we were getting back and I replied with a simple we got here yesterday.
I couldn't open the wedding planner's text. Tiffany's messages where asking what was wrong with me because Paige said I have locked myself in the room, and she's worried and I should respond,the final one was ten minutes ago that she was coming. I send her that I'm fine and she doesn't need to come.Andrew wanted to explain, to talk. I immediately delete it and go to the options to block the number, it asks me if I'm sure. My thumb hovers over the yes for a long time but I press no. I can't do it.

When I get to the living room, Paige walks in with pizza and two milkshakes.

"You haven't eaten anything in two days and I'm not a great cook" She says.

"Thank you," I say but it sounds like a whisper. I help her out and we eat in silence.

"Andrew called" She says. "I didn't ask him what happened and I told him we were staying in a hotel"

I nod and go back to picking at the sausages on my pizza. I feel a hand on mine.

"When you are ready, but don't bottle it all inside" Paige says. "If it's mom or Tiff you prefer to talk to, I'll call them for you but please don't disappear into yourself"

I look away and back down to the food that I've only eaten one slice. I feel it come back up and rush to the toilet. Paige holds back my hair as I puke my guts out.

I sit up and wipe my mouth on a piece of tissue paper Paige hands me. I rinse my mouth with water and when I look up into the mirror, my eyes are red and it looks swollen. I sigh.

"We didn't talk" I say. Paige doesn't say anything and waits for me to continue. "He was with a girl"

"Oh London, I'm so sorry"

I close my eyes in pain. I don't need pity, even from my sister. I go back to the room and that's were I remain for another two days of crying.

Tiffany came, I don't know when but she's here. I hear them whisper in front of my door about me making myself ill and how scared they are.

And for the first time in a long time, I don't care what anyone says.