STRONGEST HOPE (ERERI❤RIREN)

CHAPTER 23 - SURRENDER & ESCAPE

SURRENDER

Levi left Eren in his quarters, but he didn't go far. He felt like the boy's heart was an anchor that he couldn't pull away from. He didn't even think he wanted to, but Eren had scared the shit out of him.

The Captain just sat down in the hallway and put his hand to his heart, acutely aware of how hard the organ thumped at the thought of Eren's words. He let out a big breath, not realizing that he'd been holding it. He'd never kissed anyone like that.

When he was on the streets in the underground, he had pushed himself into kissing "clients." It was part of the illusion they paid for. They mistook young Levi's rage for passion, and it paid well. But to have someone's lips feel like a prayer on his skin. To have those shining eyes find him as their hope. To have those hands wash years of bitterness from his arms, back and shoulders. To breathe in his light and be transformed by it. Never, like that.

Levi had heard his mother declare her love when he was little. Not long before she died. He had never heard those words since. Eren's words felt like clear water pouring into his soul. He could never dare to believe that he was worthy of that brat's love.

But, if he conceded, if he fell, it would only be an invitation to certain heartbreak. He could now admit that losing Eren would kill him. He knew he would never survive it. But he'd kept all love and feelings at bay for over thirty years with death lurking daily, and while there was satisfaction, there was nothing close to this feeling. Would he march forward to his own sure death denying himself any light...any comfort?

To turn away from something so pure. To turn that gift away. Wouldn't that be just as painful? So many lives lost. Would their deaths be in vain if he turned away from all that they would have given just one more day to cherish?

How could he ever exist knowing that those gorgeous eyes were meant for him...that those lips were tattooed with Levi's desire? He was dead either way. Why not hold that joy close, if only for a cherished short while?

He shoved off of the wall and strode back into the apartment and into the bedroom. He felt dizzy and his pulse was quickening.

"Eren," he called. Walking through the door, he saw Eren asleep on the bed. The older thought to wake him, but he was sleeping so soundly. Levi brought his chair next to the bed and took the boy's hand and kissed it.

Leaning in, he whispered in Eren's ear, "I love you too, brat," just trying it on for size. Eren sighed in his sleep. Levi smiled and moved his hair from his face.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow, he would finally tell him. Levi put his head back and fell asleep, still holding Eren's hand in his own.

ESCAPE

Eren stirred and looked around the dark room, trying to adjust his eyes. It was well before sunrise. He heard Levi's familiar breathing in the chair next to him, but was startled to find his hand clasped against Levi's chest. It only served to break his heart more. Eren realized that Levi must have felt sorry for him. He must not have known how to let the boy down.

Eren wasn't going to take pity from anyone, especially the Captain. He reluctantly removed his hand from the man's grasp and crawled quietly out of the bed. He'd fallen asleep with his clothes on. All he needed were his jacket and boots, and knowing his favorite OCD boy, they were by the door on the stand and the hook. Shuffling through the apartment to keep from bumping into things he made his way to the door.

Eren purposely did not look at the Captain. His heart couldn't bear it. He pulled his boots and jacket on and let the door quietly click behind him.

Walking quickly through the hallways, he felt a new energy and stamina. It appeared that he had completely healed and aside from a little fatigue, he seemed free of the virus.

Eren walked up to Hange's door and knocked gently. He could hear them snoring loudly. He knocked again, but harder. There was a loud yelp and an immediate crash afterwards. Feeling guilty, he frowned and bit his lip.

Footsteps approached and their door flung open. Their hair stood up on end and there was paper of some sort stuck to the side of their head. They fumbled with their glasses. "Ah Eren, love! To what do I owe this very early pleasure?" They moved aside to let Eren in.

Eren moved to the table and ran his finger over a spot of dried something. He kept his head down because he knew he'd start crying if she really looked at him. "I'm sorry to wake you up like this, but I need you to clear me." He looked up with tears in his eyes and said, "I think I need to leave here for a while."

Hange sucked in their breath and wrapped their arms around Eren. He turned to them and started to cry. "Honey, honey, honey! What happened?"

"I told Heichou that I loved him!" He shook his head, tears streaming down his face. "I've ruined everything...he hates me now!"

"Oh, honey, why do you think he hates you?"

"Because we were kissing and-"

"Wait, wait! You were what?" Hange's glasses started to fog. "Levi kissed you?"

"Well, we kissed each other, and-"

"You made out?" They squeaked.

"Yes, Hange, please!"

"Sorry. Sorry. Proceed"

"When we were done- God! It was so great, but then I told him I loved him and-" Eren threw his face into his hands and sobbed.

"What did he say?" They hugged him tighter.

"It wasn't what he said," he choked out. "He just left."

"What an asshole!"

"No, Hange, it was my fault. I should never have said that."

"Well if he didn't say he hates you, then why do you think he does?"

"He fucking left, Hange."

"Riiiiiggghhht. They put their index finger to their chin and tapped. "Maybe he just freaked out."

"No shit, Sherlock."

They pulled Eren down into a chair and got him some water. "And you think leaving is the answer? Where would you go?

"I just feel like going somewhere else for a while will give us the break we need for things to go back to normal."

"They'll never go back to normal, Eren. You're in love with him."

"You are no help!" Eren whined. "What's wrong with you?" He started crying all over again. "Look, can you just clear me, please? I couldn't bear to be stuck in his room for another day."

"I understand." Hange nodded. "How do you feel?"

"I'm dying."

They stifled a giggle. "I know baby, but how do you feel physically?"

"Oh...I'm fine. Just tired. Please Hange."

They sat down at the table and wrote out a clearance statement. "Take this to Erwin and request a different assignment until the new batch of cadets come through. We'll need you back then. It should give you a couple of weeks."

Eren took the paper and nodded. "Do you think I'm doing the right thing?"

"I think you have to do what's best for you. You've been putting yourself on hold for Levi for a while now. Take care of yourself." They hugged the boy and kissed his forehead.

"Thanks Hang." Eren left and headed to Erwin's office, hoping he would be awake.