STRONGEST HOPE (ERERI❤RIREN)

CHAPTER 26 - YOU LET SOMETHING PERFECT GO

"Armin, I need you to tell me what you know."

Armin glanced at Erwin and Hange, then back at Levi. "This has to do with that night on the wall, Sir."

Levi's eyes went wide. "The night-?"

Armin nodded.

Erwin and Hange looked at Levi worried and confused. Erwin spoke first. "Levi, please tell us what happened."

Levi hung his head for a moment and then took a deep breath. He quietly walked over to Hange and pulled them up into a hug. They hesitantly put their arms around Levi, expecting to get swatted at any moment, but then hugged him tightly. He brought his friend to the chair and sat them down. All three of them were humbled by his actions. He then sat down across from Armin and Erwin.

He put his chin on his knuckles and stared at a stack of books on the table. "After you got back from the rescue mission, I finally had the chance to take stock of everyone we'd lost. I hadn't really let myself mourn Petra and... my squad...Mike and Nanaba. Then to lose so many in the rescue, and almost losing Erwin too." His voice trailed off.

Levi glanced at Armin and saw him smile faintly, in encouragement. He looked at Erwin. "I couldn't forgive myself for not being there to keep you safe, and I knew that things might have been better if I'd just been able to fight."

"But, you literally couldn't fight!" Hange leaned in. "We would have just lost you too."

Levi shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I needed to be there, and I wasn't," Levi said firmly, his hands curling into fists. "All I could think of was how I might have made a difference, even with my leg hurt."

They sat quietly with that sorrow. But Armin brought him to the reason he was here. "So, it was easier to blame Eren for all of those deaths," he said softly.

"God, he said, through gritted teeth. "Yes..." He looked at him with the greatest regret. "I'm so sorry, Armin."

Armin looked down into his lap. "Do you know that he took full responsibility for the things you blamed him for?"

Levi looked at him in agony. "I didn't know."

Erwin squeezed Armin's hand and he nodded. He didn't want Levi to hurt, but he needed to know how his words affected his best friend. His friend, who he believed had more heart than all of them put together.

"Go on," Erwin said patiently, nodding at Levi.

"About a week after the mission returned, if you had someone else staying with you, I would go up to the wall, just down from the gate. I would bring the cheap whiskey," gesturing a hand to Erwin. "I started to drink more and more, and as you know, it got pretty bad."

"The night we found you, you didn't have any gear on," Armin said gently.

Erwin and Hange gasped. "Oh my God," whispered Hange.

The Captain's head dropped in shame. He lifted his gaze to Armin and then to his friends. "That's right."

"What were you doing up there with no gear on, Levi?" Erwin asked.

Levi looked at Erwin with a sad smile. "Don't make me say it."

They looked at him intently.

He sighed. "I figured I would just get drunk and see what happened. If I was meant to be here, I'd end up in my bed in the morning. If not, I'd give a titan a helluva headache on the way down."

It was Armin's turn to squeeze Erwin's hand when he heard him hiss in pain. Hange's eyes overflowed with tears. "Oh, honey."

Levi looked at them sheepishly. "I ended up in my bed the next morning, so the experiment worked." He shrugged. "I know it was Eren that got me down, but I have no memory of what happened."