Out

Part Four

Jorge

"Okay, so who's the intended audience for?" I ask, looking up to meet Benji's eyes. We've been working longer than expected. Almost two hours of sitting in this coffee shop and we're finally almost done.

"I'm not sure. Maybe, like, teenagers?" Benji scratches the back of his head. "Teenagers who are in a hurry to grow up?"

"Yeah, that makes sense," I forgot how good we work together. Even though it's taken us a while, the assignment wasn't hard between the both of us.

I type out the answer on the computer. I save it, before exiting out of that tabs and closing it. I take my glasses off and put my face in my hands, rubbing my eyes in exhaustion. When I look up, Benji's staring at me with a grin on his face.

"What?" Why is he looking at me like that?

"Nothing," Benji blushes and closes his computer. I put all my school work in my backpack and stand up. Benji does the same, following behind me as I walk out the door. "Do you need a ride?"

"No, it's okay," I smile at him. I don't need to be so close to him. "I'm going to walk home."

"It's like two miles and it's almost dark," Benji laughs. "Just let me drive you home."

"It's okay, really. I want to walk," I need to clear my head. Plus, the walk is pretty and even though I'm on the cheerleading squad, I could use the exercise.

"This is starting to sound a lot like another conversation we've had," Benji smirks at me. "You know."

I smile at the memory. The first time Benji and I ever talked was when he was offering me a ride. That's how we got to know each other and started dating.

"What are you still doing here?" I look up and see Benji Krol, a popular football player who I always saw around but never talked to before. We had the same friends, and usually sat at the same table for lunch, but he never seemed interested in talking to me.

"Oh, I had cheerleading practice," I smile at him. I was standing in front of the school waiting to see if the rain was going to let up enough for me to walk home in.

"Aren't you going home?" His usually floppy hair was dripping with water from the rain.

"I'm walking home."

"I can give you a ride," Benji smiles at me, pulling his car keys out of his pocket. I don't know him well enough to accept a ride. Why would he want to give me one, anyway?

"No, it's okay. I'm fine with walking," I walk out from under the tree that was keeping me dry and start heading towards my destination. "Thank you, though."

"It's pouring," Benji laughs. "Come on, let me give you a ride home."

"I like walking," I'm surprised when he starts walking next to me.

"I do, too."

"What are you doing?" I laugh. He's walking in the opposite direction of his car.

"If you're walking, then I'm walking," He shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

"You don't need to walk me home," I smile at the kind gesture. "You'd have to walk all the way back to your car, anyways."

"I mean, you could just let me give you a ride and then neither of us would have to walk."

"So, can I just give you a ride home?" Benji's voice snaps me back into the present.

"Okay," I sigh. He smiles and we walk to his car.

"I think about that day a lot, you know," Benji says when we get into the all too familiar car.

"What day?"

"The day I gave you a ride home. I always thought you were cute, but I was too nervous to talk to you, and I didn't really know how. But, then I got out of football practice and saw you standing there, soaking wet from the rain and I just couldn't leave you," Benji blushes and butterflies erupt in my stomach. He starts the car and puts it in drive.

"Everything would've been so different if you did," I wouldn't have gotten heartbroken, but I also wouldn't know what it's like to love somebody with every piece of myself.

"I wouldn't take it back," He smiles at me before looking back at the road.

"I wouldn't either," I say before thinking about it. I clear my throat, trying to ignore the way Benji's face lit up. "So, how'd your family react when you told them you're gay?"

"They were all mostly okay with it. My grandma was the only one who didn't really like it. She's old fashioned," Benji turns and smiles at me. "She keeps saying that I just haven't found the right girl yet, but I told her I found the perfect guy for me, I just have to win him back."

I blush at his words, "Benji-"

"I know. I know. We're just friends," He turns down my street, but I find myself wishing I lived farther so we'd have more time together.

"Thank you for the ride," I say when we stop in front of my house.

"Of course," Benji smiles at me. I collect my things and open the car door.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I smile at him and walk up the stairs to my house.

When I get up to my room, I sigh at the feeling that there's something missing now that I'm not with Benji. I put my things down and walk over to my dresser, opening the bottom drawer and dig in the back looking for the yellow piece of clothing I hid from myself.

Benji's sweatshirt. I smile to myself when I find it. After we broke up, I have him all his stuff back, but a few days later I found a sweatshirt of his in my laundry basket. I didn't have it in me to give it back to him, so I kept it. It helped me get through the sleepless nights and sad days.

After a few weeks of using it as a crutch, I hid it from myself. It was pathetic, really, that I was wearing my ex boyfriends clothes still so I didn't feel so lonely. I promised myself I wouldn't take it out again, but this feels different.

I take off my jeans and shirt and slide Benji's sweatshirt over my head. It obviously doesn't smell like him anymore, but in a weird way, it feels like him. I crawl into my bed and close my eyes, trying to pretend he's here with me.