diary, I guess

f u

i realize i can't move forward, and i think it's because you lied to me. you didn't tell the truth when i asked for it, instead you lied. maybe i sound stupid or crazy, but all i had asked was for the truth, and you couldn't tell me, you refused to me. if you had just told me, i can let go, all i wanna do is let go. im tired. i don't get why you dragged me along, if you just wanted to be friends, when you knew how i felt about you. i thought you felt the same way, and maybe at one point you did, i don't know. it was hard in the beginning, i was torn and sad, i don't think you understand how much i wanted to be there with you, but you were already seeking comfort in the arms of someone else. the thing is, is i had a feeling, and i didn't want it to be true, but everything confirmed it, and i wanted to confront you so bad but i didn't want to seem crazy. i need closure. im so mad at you rn, for lying, for putting me through that when you had already made up your mind. im angry, so angry. you gave up on me so easily, you gave up on us so easily. you made promises, you couldn't keep them. all i had asked was to make things work, but you already had made up your mind, while you were talking to me, you were talking to her. i never felt so lost and betrayed. i talked so highly of you, my family was excited for me. my friends warned me, but i defended you, bc it's you and i. nobody's opinion mattered. i was planning to come to see you, i had surprise visits. i would wait for your ft call, but it never came, and then one day you just decided you didn't want to talk to me anymore, after you said let's be friends. i hate you. for the pain you've caused me, for the tears, for making me sick to my stomach, for putting me through a heartbreak, for not telling the truth, for dragging me along, for toying with my heart. I hate you.