Just Wanna Disappear

Chapter 2

When my mom died I was 12. Of course my stepdad was sent to prison and my father was never in the picture. I immediately got shipped of to my aunts house. I was stuck sharing a room with her daughter. I slept in an air mattress for the first 2 months I was there. In the beginning everything was fine and dandy, that is until her daughter started to cause problems. It is my 4th year here and I'm getting beaten everyday. It doesn't take much to set Aunt Nancy off. It started when Andrea would do everything she could to get me in trouble. Not its to the point where she beats me, pulls my hair out, and spits and my face and she gets no reaction at all. I have been anorexic for about 3 years now. I'm just turned 12 when she threw me in a mental hospital. It helped at first but not long after I was out it started again.
I started cutting when I was 11. I couldn't deal with the pain I was feeling everyday. I couldn't see anyone and I was being beaten to the point where the were scratches and bruises covering my body. I wanted nothing more than to leave this hell hole of a world for good. I'm 13 now. I'm sitting on the floor wondering why Aunt Nancy hates me so much. I have been nothing but what she wanted. I clean her house EVERYDAY. I cook. I do everything she wants, yet it's never good enough. I'm just a fuck up. No matter what I do it's wrong. IM wrong. I need to feel the relief of blood flowing from my arm. Tears streaming from my eyes, I grab my box of blades from their hiding spot. I pick my favorite and run it over my wrist. As soon as I see the blood and cut in my arm I feel an instant release but I can't bring myself to stop. I keep going until the tears stop. What have I done. I count the cuts. 67. There is blood everywhere. How am I going to hide this? I go to the bathroom and run my arm under warm water and wrap it up. I really need help.