MASOCHISM.

Good Reputation.

He was known, but not enough to be popular
His sexuality was questioned, but not punished
His truth was worth gold, nobody could question it
Because he was me, an underestimated version of myself.

Always staying in the middle of everyone
The good guy, who always listened
Respect and tolerance for everyone, never lacked in ways
Because at the end, he was never questioned.

And when he shutted himself in silence with no one knowing it,
He broke his own bones inside that fortress,
What was the point if nobody was interested is his well-being?

He showed off his good reputation amongst his people,
Known not for what he said, but for what he listened to
So innocent, even too much for a teenager
Being like that was the reason it hurted everytime he loved.

And the more he felt, he gained experience,
Intuition for knowing with who, but not enough,
Confusing behaviours that made him overthink by the end of the day
Without knowing what the future awaits, without living the present.

With his reputation bathed in silver
Rusty and dirty over the years, by the use
Clinging to his ways of being, because it was the only thing that mattered
Being true to himself despite the abuse.

The world kept going on,
Another day, another drama,
Badly told anecdotes, between the ones I include myself
But not for me, but for him, who only thought about karma,
Maybe he felt pain, but each and every one of them will have their own.

Played with him too many times to tell,
He had a long black list filled with names
All underlined, but only one highlighted in red,
"Carlos"
The reason is still complex to talk about.

The stopped trusting people, and people stopped trusting him
Protagonist of a story he didn't write
Narrated and structured without knowing why,
He waited for a happy ending that never came.

Tired of games, like acting on a stage
Of complicated relationships, and complex insecurities
Getting out of the cage like a canary bird,
Getting to know himself enough to end his ordeals.