"of course she wouldn't,i mean she needed a child badly" i replied trying to connect with his thoughts. I felt him grieving while reminiscing.
"Si,she was baptized and named Hannah...When my father found out that she had become a christain,he got angry and divorced her at the time she was three months pregnant with me"
" The church took her in and gave her a place to stay till she gave birth...She dedicated me to the Church and i was baptized there too".
He continued "On her sick bed,she told me of her dreams for me,to be a kind priest like Fr Rowland. I had just turned twelve and i didn't like the idea,i had wanted to become a doctor so that i can be able to treat her,but after much persuasion from her,i gave in to her demands with the hopes that one day she will change her mind".
" On the first day i started the seminary school,she died...I was broken, devastated, vulnerable and angry,but Fr Rowland and sister Josephine were there for me, so i didn't quite felt empty that much...I decided to carry on with my mother's wish as my personal cross,but at the long run i wasn't ready to be a sad priest all the rest of my life,i gave it my best shot,my heart and finally fell in love with the vocation at last.And so here we are...."
" But you are a very sad priest"...I said gently to him. He laughed hysterically and i saw a moisture of tears in his eyes.
"Why would you think that Tonia?". He asked,wiping a bit of tears
" You look like it Fr. Each time we talk,i sense it." I replied,but he was quiet.
" What did your mom die of?"... I asked him, trying to bring up a conversation.
"At that time nobody knew, because there were no hospitals around much,but i later checked her symptoms then on the internet and asked few questions from renowned doctors and it's called Leukemia."
" Cancer of the white blood cell?"... I asked him,just to be certain.
" Si"
" I'm so sorry Fr".
" It's all in the past Tonia." He said tenderly without looking at me, keeping his gaze fixed at a particular grave.
"You must miss her a lot ?". I asked him,tearing my gaze away from him and fixing it on the grave too.
"What do you think?".
"I think you do...So much." He only smiled and kept quiet again.
" Was she buried here?"
"Non...She was buried at her hometown."
" Then why do you keep asking me to meet you here?...And why are you suddenly looking pale and miserable?"
He took a very deep breath and replied,i must say i wasn't expecting his reply.
"Estoy mal Tonia. And not just sick, but I'm dying slowly... I have my mother's sickness too and i have just few days to live."
I felt sad,and my heart was pierced with so much pains,i felt very sad for him. I know he was trying so hard not to break down,he was trying so hard to hid his sadness,his pains,his depression and probably he has also been hiding his sickness from people.
I felt the tears well up in my eyes. Moved with pity and sympathy,i touched his palm. But he only looked at me and smiled,and then asked me.
"How old are you Tonia?"
"I'm 25 Fr"
" Bien. I have a story to tell you Tonia. A story that kinda holds my downfall,my ugly past and my little secret. Something that i have kept well hidden for 54 years now"
" It entails all of my pains and sadness,and i wish that you hear it...Do you mind?".
" Of course not Fr". I replied excitedly, finally glad that he was now ready to share his troubles with me.
"Tres bien".. He said and stood,it was then that i noticed the little pretty red rose flower he held in his right hand. Slowly,he walked to the grave he has been scrutinizing with his eyes,knelt before it, uttered a brief word,kissed the rose and placed it on the grave.
He quickly stood up, turned to me and said.
"Antonia Badmus meet Thelma Albert,my best half and my weakness"
