Wednesday
Oct. 7 1964
Now there's no time left to pretend, and it feels like it's the end. But you're always in my heart until we meet again.
Now i have to let you go, there's no way we can be friends. But you're always part of me until we meet again.
*****************************
"Rowland please, do you think you can drop your dreams of becoming a Catholic priest".
That was the very last thing i had expected from her... I mean it was part of her dreams too, so i didn't understand why she would want me to quit now, just few days to it.
" What exactly do you mean Thels?... Are you really okay?. "
" No Rowland...call me stupid.i know that I'm being egocentric right now,but i can't fight these feelings anymore... I love you too much to let you go".
" We both feel something strong for each other. Together we can make it work,just try to give us a little chance first please...it's not too late to do that".
" Jesus....You are unbelievable Thels. I can't believe I'm hearing this from you Thelma Albert. You of all people should know better. Hell! What has gotten into you?".
" You... You got into me Jamike".
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"She was angry and overreacting at the same time. I couldn't comprehend why she was,i thought we understood ourselves. I was totally bewildered and speechless,and i didn't want to hurt her more than she was already.
This wasn't the kind of things i had expected to hear from her. I was angry too,i was infuriated at her. I was furious,but i tried to act calm."
*****************************
" Thels... Listen,I'm very sorry that i made you feel this way,i led you on. But c'mon,i thought we both had an understanding? Why are you doing this now?"
" I love you Rowland...Te amo. I can't stop this feeling try as i may it won't go away. I can't even love another"
" Look it's not too late, you still have a choice to quit. Let's be together,we can have a happy ending. We can have kids, lovely kids,we can make it work. All you have to do is to give us a chance,it's going to turn out good".
" Tempting,very tempting Thels...Can you hear yourself speak? Just listen to what you are saying. You are the last person i expect to hear this crap from". I said harshly to her, finally letting my own anger slip.
" I'm about to be ordained a priest in three days and you are telling me this now... Whatever happened to your promise of supporting me to the end?"
" I'm really sorry Rowland,i am. But can't you at least think about me, think about my feelings for you...You are the first man who has ever made me feel this way,why are you hurting me?"
" Jeez... I'm out of here Thels,i can't stay here and listen to your deranged speeches... My priestly ordination is on Saturday,i hope to see you...And hopefully you might have cooled off by then and gotten your senses back".
*****************************
"I left,but i could hear her uncontrollable tears. I was hurt,angry,sad and ashamed. I had hurt her so much but i just couldn't quench my thirst for the priesthood."
"I held myself from going back inside to console her,a part of me wanted to but i just couldn't . I walked away,from her house,her heart and her life forever."
"THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I SAW HER"
"On my ordination, i didn't see her. A part of me thought she would actually come and make a scene but throughout the whole event i didn't see her".
"During the time i was exchanging pleasantries with friends,i thought i saw someone like her lingering in the doorway, but she left just immediately i blinked my eyes. "
" I thought i had started hallucinating,but at the same time i couldn't shake off the feelings that i actually saw her. I had a feeling that something was wrong,but i couldn't put my fingers on it. I let it go,hoping to give her a call the next day."
" All that occupied my mind was that my dreams had finally become a reality. I was now an ordained priest of the catholic church. I had fulfilled my mother's desire,i felt her smiles from above. I had finally proved my father wrong. My joy then held no bounds,no limit".
" I had finally made it,but at what cost?"
"THE LIFE OF THE ONE WHO MEANS A LOT TO ME"
" On the night of my ordination,i opened a parcel that Adiele her cousin gave me that day. She said it was from Thelma. When i asked her why Thelma didn't come,she said that she never told her where she was heading to but that she should make sure the parcel gets to me that day if she didn't come back for my ordination."
"I opened the parcel and saw a book titled "GREAT EXPECTATIONS" by Charles Dickens. I remembered telling her months ago that i would love to read the novel after i had read "PRIDE AND PREJUDICE" by Jane Austen that i had gotten from her too."
"At the front page was a little note written by her."
'I love you...For all that you are
All that you have been
And all you are yet to be.
(Congrats on your ordination)'
Turning the pages of the book,i saw a letter at the center. On the envelope,her handwriting wrote"
'To the one i love
From a heart of love
That no chains of hate
Can ever break
Te amo Jamike'
"With trembling hands and a great fear within my heart,i opened the letter and the content left me shocked with tears. I just couldn't believe what i was seeing... I was angry at myself and i hated myself. For the second time since i lost my mother,i cried so much like my whole world has finally crumbled"
" I HAD KILLED THELMA ALBERT"
