better this way || reddie

1

the bus stop was deserted, just as richie had expected. and the crisp autum air nipped at the boy's skin as he walked.

his footfall was heavy, keeping him grounded from the thoughts he kept pushing away. he couldn't think of eddie. cause if he let himself think of the small boy with brown eyes. he's not sure he'd really be able to go.

his emotions were swirling and richie couldn't figure out just what he was feeling. all he knew, was that he wished that he weren't.

richie sat down on the edge of the sidewalk. he put his head in his hands, and let out a frustrated growl.

god richie wished that the feelings inside would disperse. but the boy also had a sneaking suspicion that if he weren't feeling so many emotions, and could sort through them; that he'd be left with just his raw and open beating heart. and all the pain he knew he would later face.

god, how he wished he could tear his heart out and hand it over to a certain chocolate eyed boy. he'd give that boy everything. all of him. because every fiber of his being, his whole heart and soul, already belong to him. and richie wanted him to know it.

yet he was never able to bring himself to say just what he was feeling. he had never found the nerve to tell that boy just how weak he made him. even though on some days the truth was clawing up his throat and he was sure he'd spew it all.

his love for eddie spread like wildfire. even as a kid. because richie sure that the first day he met eddie, he knew he was in love. and from then up until now. even in this moment, his complete adoration for the brunette boy grew and grew. and richie was sure no one loved anyone as much he loved eddie.

"where the hell do you think you're going?" a familiar voice breaks the silence of the night, and richies head whips around. wide eyes meet teary pained ones. and if richie weren't already sitting he'd have collapsed from the look of betrayal eddie was giving him.

"i'm sorry ed's" richie says, voice soft. eddie shakes his head slowly. "i really cant stay."

richie could see how hard eddie was trying not to cry. he could see the boy's heart in his chest and how it thumped with the betrayal of his best friend.

"please don't go." eddie whispered, voice softly breaking with the weight of the emotions clawing at his chest. "please richie"

richie stood up, and almost extended a hand. but he hesitated and brought it back to his side. "eddie, i-" but eddie cut him off. the smaller boy punched him in the chest. once. then twice.

"you piece of shit!" he yelled, shoving richie back with all the force he could muster. he was angry. and richie couldn't blame him. there was so much to be angry about.

richie stumbles back from all of eddies weight being shoved at him. his eyes watered, and his was his turn to try not to cry. "please don't be mad, ed's" richie started again. wanting so badly to be able to comfort the aching boy in front of him.

how he wished he could ease his pain. and the thing is, he could. he could decide not to go. he could go home with eddie and they wouldn't tell anyone else that this had happened at all. "eddie, i just-" richie couldn't speak. his heart was cracking in two as he watched eddie cry. one tear. then two. richie could feel the splitting ache in his chest, but he already made up his mind. richie took a deep breath and steadied himself, as he picked up the duffel bag on the sidewalk. "it's better this way." he whispers softly. a soft, sad smile making its way into his lips. he loved eddie. and right now eddie was better off without him.

eddie sniffled weakly. "i could go with you" he suggested, big eyes full of teary hope. richie almost considered it. but he knew better than that.

"i'm sorry eddie. you need to stay. but i have to go. i have to." richie told him, and watched as the boy in front of him started sobbing again.

"but why?" eddie cried, his small frame shaking with the force of his unsteady breathing. "why are you leaving me?" he whispered the last part. he just couldn't understand how this would be better for anyone.

richie turned his head away as tears threatened to spill. "because i can't stay here anymore. i just can't. and you'll never understand, ed's. i know you won't. and i'm not gonna make you. but i always wanted what's best for you. and i just-" richie paused again. choking on the words that he knew would burn his throat as he spoke them. "i just know that what's best for you, isn't me."

eddie his him again. a hard smack in the side of the head. "i hate you" he said quietly. he didn't understand how richie could tell him he wanted what's best for him, and then leave. all eddie wanted was richie.

"i really hope that makes this easier for you, then." richie says, the itching burn of the words eddie spoke would surely leave a mark. even if richie knew that they weren't true. "i don't want to hurt you, ed's. but i know there's no possible i can't. but i know that i can't take one more day in this town. and i'll never ever forget you." the pain in richies chest that he's had since he chose to leave seemed a dull ache compared to the deafening sound of his heart shattering in his ears, and he's sure he can hear eddies too. how would he ever manage to get on the bus that was so fast approaching. and richie kind of just wished it would turn around and go back before it stopped in front of him.

eddie continued to cry, and richie knew this was it. "i hate you, i hate you, i hate you." eddie spoke quietly, teeth clenching as he attempted to stop the flow of tears. to no avail. he just cried harder as he watched the bus pull up beside them.

"i love you" richie said certainly, and adjusted the strap on his duffle bag, before turning to the bus.