Santana Lopez imagines

You know it's okay to cry?

Santana goes back to McKinley high to visit the glee club after the death of Finn Hudson. You go with her to offer your support. kind of sad?

It had now been a little over a month since Finn had passed. You had stayed by Santana's side from the second you heard the news. You, Santana, Kurt and Rachel were having your usual Thursday night dinner when you all received the news, a moment that the four of you would never be able to forget. The look of heartbreak in everyone's eyes broke you and you felt utterly helpless, Santana's face almost emotionless whereas Rachel and Kurt sobbed into eachothers arms. You really tried your best to help the trio that night as the three had been a lot closer to Finn than you had although you were also friends with him.

You had managed to persuade Santana to attend his funeral, despite everything she had said about how she didn't deserve to be there for it and as she screamed about how horrible she was to the boy but after several conversations, you had convinced her. She sat through the funeral with a blank look on her face, the same one she had that night you'd found out about Finn's passing. Once again, the look left you feeling helpless. The funeral was a week after his death and Santana had showed barely any emotion yet which was starting to worry you at this point but you didn't want to harass the girl during this time, which brings you up to now. The two of you are currently sitting on a plane from New York straight to Lima as Mr Schue had organised a week to honour Finn in glee club. All past and present members would honour the loss of their quarterback.

You looked over at Santana who was finally sleeping. You let out a sigh of relief you didn't know you were holding as you noticed she had barely been sleeping these last few weeks. She hadn't yet spoken about it but you knew that the guilt of everything that had happened between the two during high school was keeping her awake, although they were at peace during the time of his passing, the two had never truly forgiven eachother. Something that was obviously bothering the girl. Snapping out of your thoughts you slipped from under the sleeping girl's arm and pulled the blanket she had over her waist and pulled it over her and gently kissed her forehead.

When the two of you had arrived at McKinley, you started to let out some tears, the energy of the school was gone, everyone was still so effected by the tragic loss. Santana wrapped her arm around you as you walked through the halls. All sorts of memories came back to Santana's head as the two walked into the choir room, both good and bad. Memories of Santana sneaking you into the Choir room so the two of you could make out, you being more nervous that you weren't meant to be in the room because you weren't a part of glee club and then sad ones came rushing to your head too, thinking about you consoling an upset Santana on prom night after she didn't win prom queen. Countless things came to your head. You greeted everyone shyly alongside Santana with caution as you knew that you weren't a part of glee club you felt like you shouldn't be there but of course nobody had a problem with it, Mr Schue would even refer to you as an honorary member of the club by the time you'd reached your senior year, knowing that your presence made Santana a lot nicer and calmer, often asking you to play piano when Brad was sick or couldn't make it. A few members sang for Finn and everyone in the room was a crying mess by the end of it. Everyone but Santana.

(imagine everything else going the way it did in the quarterback episode)

days had now passed and Santana had decided it was her time to perform a song for Finn. Everyone could see the pain she had in her eyes but nobody wanted to say anything. Abruptly, Santana stopped singing and walked out of the classroom halfway through her song, unable to carry on (unlike the episode she doesn't walk out crying and screaming) everyone gives you a look to chase after her and before you know it you're running behind her. You walk her to the auditorium and sit her down. "Santana, you're hurting. I know you're hurting, we all do. We can see it. We can see that look of guilt that's stuck in your eyes, the sadness and everything in between. I know that you haven't forgiven yourself for everything that happened between the two of you. I know you've been so strong over these past few weeks but you don't have to be, baby. You know that you don't have to be strong anymore, you know it's okay to cry right?" and by the final word, Santana's walls had finally crashed down, weeks worth of tears began to fall as she fell into your lap. You had never seen the girl look so small and vulnerable after about half an hour of crying hysterically the girl was finally able to console herself. "i'm proud of you, you know?" i whispered gently in her ear. She looked up and gave me a gentle smile and took a moment before speaking "you know, i really wanted to come here this week, sing this song, talk about all the nice, kind things Finn would do for me but i just couldn't do it. I just don't understand how someone as nice as him is gone and i'm still standing here" you frowned at her words but let her continue, thankful that she was finally opening up "even after everything he put me through, which i probably deserved (i personally don't agree with this btw lmaooo) he's still the nicest man i've ever met. He always wanted to make himself better and worked to do it but here i am. Why wasn't it me Y/N?" at this point you couldn't hold back the tears, you hated the way that she felt and knew that it would take a while to change her mindset in the slightest. "What happened to Finn was a freak accident, tana, something that could happen to anyone at any time. You can't keep thinking this way, you can't keep blaming yourself for things that weren't your fault okay. You know this was out of your control and you can't keep avoiding Kurt and Rachel forever, you live with them, you have to talk to them at some point. They need their friend"

You both sat in silence for a while, waiting to calm down and for the puffiness in your face to go before standing up and grabbing Santana's hand before guiding her back to the choir room. As she walked in the entire club engulfed her in a hug and Kurt wrapped Finn's infamous jacket around the girl's shoulders "me and Rachel decided we wanted you to keep this. We understand how you feel and we love you, will you come back home? We've missed the two of you, you can't keep hiding in Y/N's shoebox apartment forever" Kurt said jokingly at the end "Hey, at least my apartment has walls separating my rooms!" and for the first time in weeks, there were small giggles in the room. A noise the glee club hadn't heard for weeks.