Short Story Swirl

Cat Got Your Tongue? (Comedy)

Ever since I was little, I spoke to my pets trying to get them to speak back, but they never did. I've always wanted a talking pet like they have in the fairytales, but that's just not how reality works I guess. That was my line of thinking anyway, until one day, my cat finally spoke back.

I remember it like it was yesterday. We were sitting on my bed, I was reading from some textbook and she was just licking her paws.

"Damn it!" I yelled, causing her to jump. I slammed my textbook closed and threw my highlighter across the room. "This class is hell," I mumbled. I looked at her furry little face staring back at me with large green eyes. "What do you want?"

With a shake of her head, she stretched out her long, fluffy body and slowly prodded over to me. I put my hand on her head and gently started to pet her.

"Yeah, yeah, you're cute, I get it," I said with a sigh. "Why do you think the grass is green, hm, Snowbell?" I asked her while glaring at my crumpled textbook that lay against my wall. She closed her eyes and slowly started purring. "Yeah, I don't know either."

With a huff, I got up and went to grab my textbook again. Snowbell followed me across the room and, when I went to turn around again, I accidentally stepped on her paw.

"Jesus CHRIST!" She howled and ran off down the hallway. I froze, foot still midair from where I lifted it off her paw, and just stared down the hallway.

Did she just- ?

"Snowbell?" I called out hesitantly. I slowly placed my foot back on the ground and tiptoed to the edge of my door way. Peering down the hall, I could see Snowbell watching me from the other end, licking her injured paw. I narrowed my eyes at her and crept closer. "Snowbell, did you just speak?"

Snowbell looked up at me, her tail flicking back and forth over the carpet. She let out a little "mew" and walked forward to rub against my legs.

"I'm going crazy," I muttered to myself, reaching down to pat Snowbell on the head. She purred as she circled my legs. With a sigh, I walked back down to my room to finish my reading.

"Dumbass."

I whipped my head around so fast I almost fell. I stared at Snowbell with wide eyes. I know for sure I heard her that time. Slowly, I walked towards her and knelt down.

"Snowbell," I said quietly. "Did you just speak?"

Snowbell looked up at me again, ever so innocently. She let out another "mew" and began to try to circle my legs again.

"Ohh no, no you're not. I know I heard you," I said as I picked her up and placed her back in front of me. "Admit it."

Snowbell just sat there and stared at me. Seconds passed, then minutes. We stared at each other in silence, waiting for the other to make the first move. With what I can only describe as a cat-sigh, she finally broke.

"Yeah, okay, I can talk," she said in a quiet, teenager-like voice. My jaw dropped. After what seemed like ages, she finally spoke. I wasn't crazy.

"Why haven't you talked to me before?" I asked, slightly offended. Snowbell flicked her tail and shook her head.

"Because humans are weird. As soon as they learn that some of us can talk, they either turn us into circus freaks or some science experiment," she explained. I frowned.

"Snowbell, you know I'd never do that."

"Well, you can never be too careful," she said. I couldn't help but smile. My cat could talk. Suddenly, my smile faded as all the new possibilities flowed through my mind.

"Wait, you can speak, which means you understand human culture," I began, and Snowbell nodded. "You've seen me naked," I whispered with dawning horror.

"Yes, I've seen you naked, many, many times," Snowbell said with a snort. I was mortified. I didn't know what to do. "Don't worry," she continued. "Nakedness is different with animals. Dont be embarrassed, technically I'm always naked." Snowbell chuckled in a way only cats can.

I sighed a big, heavy sigh. This is definitely awesome, no doubt about it, but all of the things she's seen me do, all the secrets I've told her, she knows everything. I just continued to stare at her, unsure what to say.

"Look," Snowbell started. "This doesn't change anything. I'm still your kitty, you're still my human, and it's not like I can talk to anyone else so you have nothing to worry about."

I smiled, and I could see her try to smile too, showing her little kitty teeth in the process.

"This is awesome," I said. "Also, can we just talk about the fact you called me a dumbass? That was extremely rude of you."

Snowbell flicked her tail and, with another kitty-chuckle, began to walk back down to my room.

"Come on," she said. "Let's go finish your reading. It's chlorophyll, by the way."

"What's chlorophyll?" I asked as I followed her to my room. She looked back at me with the most smug expression I've ever seen a cat have.

"It's what makes grass green."