Fatale

A Surprise Visit

I'll have to kill you

His voice replays over and over as I shove my head into my silk pillows, unable, unwilling to sleep. 

My head is swimming with everything that has happened in such a short time. One day I'm happily scamming upper class business men, then suddenly, I'm transported back to a place I've never wanted to revisit. It's sucking me back in. 

I place my head back onto the pillow, staring up at the unlit chandelier above me, silver moonlight and the twinkling lights of the city finding each corner of my room. 

Grunting, I pick myself up off the bed, staring over at the clock on the bedside table. Three a.m. Lovely. 

Draping the comforter around my shoulders, I settle into the window seat, pulling my legs up to my chest. The whole world looks so small from up here, tiny dots of people moving on with their own lives, the little boxes of cars zooming by with the occasional yellow flash from the taxis. 

It makes me feel so small. 

"Can't sleep?" I jump violently at the sound of Fiona's voice, holding a hand to my chest. 

"Jesus Christ, Fiona." I gasp out, shaking my head at her. "Scared me half to fucking death." 

She just smiles, two glasses of tea in steaming ceramic mugs. She hands me one and I cradle it in my hands, allowing the vapors to heat my face. 

I can feel Fiona's eyes on me and I sigh. 

"It's nothing." I whisper, taking a sip of tea, despite the fact that it's still scalding. 

"You always say that." She whispers back with a slight smile, and I can't help but realize how maternal she is for someone without a child. 

I stare back out the window, leaning my temple against the cold glass. I think for a moment, and suddenly, I feel like my insides are bubbling over, my guts so ready to spill. 

"You can tell me." Fiona prods, poking me with her foot. 

I look at her face, illuminated by the silver light. She's my only family in the world. And I know it's time to tell her. Everything. 

I take in a large breath, exhaling slowly. "My father was murdered four years ago. I saw it happen." 

She stares at me, but surprisingly, I don't see the pity in her eyes that I expect to see. She's just listening. So I continue.

"My mom...well she was never really around, I don't even remember her face. So I had to live with him, with my dad. If you could even call him that. It's so cliche, the whole abusive daddy thing." I'm rambling now, realizing that it's the first time I've told anyone what happened. 

Fiona nods. 

"But as cliche as it is, that cliche was dead on. He was angry at her, not me. But I looked too much like her apparently. He was in with some dangerous people, and one day, he said the wrong thing to the wrong person. He had just finished screaming at me, he had come home with bruises and I had tried to help him. But the second his fist hit my eye, the front door burst open. I didn't see them at first, I was too dizzy. I pushed myself back to the wall and just watched as these men...they shot him right between the eyes. I was convinced I was next and I just squeezed my eyes shut and waited, but nothing happened." I gulp, preparing myself for the next part. She's the only person in the world who I trust enough to continue the story. 

"When I opened my eyes, there a man there, a little older than me. My father's blood was splattered across his shirt, his face. He looked down at me, the gun was in his hand at his side. He picked me up by the shoulders, and took me downstairs. He set me on the front stoop, and just left."