DELERIUM

Saturday Night

NOON: The phone rang. She let it ring. The third time she simply picked up the phone in silence.

"Open the door," he said angrily and hung up.

Once again, she went from anger to excitement. At the door were two giant gift-wrapped boxes. Inside box number one was a pair of lace black panties and a lace black bra. Inside box number two was a pair of lace black heels to match.

Were these about last night?
Cringingly literal she thought.
Every minute in this room was another year wasted.
As an expat you are more vulnerable to approaching things with such an open mind, that

unintentionally, everything turns into a form of escapism. Emotional extremes become the new normal. Saying yes to everything you said to back home. Eventually, you have to come down and acknowledge things as they really were. A heart-breaking disaster. The more conscious she became of her desperation the easier it was to tune it all away.

4:15 PM: There was nothing left to do or say. She'd thought herself back to the present. Finally, she got up and took a shower. Hannah decided against putting on anything he had gotten her. Hungover, she put her own clothes on, folded up the dresses, and sat on the bed. Brushing her hands in silk she couldn't help but feel she deserved this.

Imagine that, every day just like this

6:00 PM: This time she would see him coming.

7:00 PM: Waiting for him in anticipation she could see him standing there, not a hair out of place.

7:30: Her patience, Hannah texts him, "Coming"

7:45PM After 15 minutes he responds, "Soon" with as little detail as possible. 7:46:PM: "I have work tomorrow. I have to go soon. Hurray"

7:55 PM: "O.K"

Instinctively she knew it over. Rejection can be an elusive thing, but Hannah had great

radar for it. A lot of people have breakups they are unaware of for years. It was as if someone had turned the knob a hair to the right and the music clicked in so loud and clear it almost knocked her over. Once she became aware of her meaninglessness to him, It seemed impossible she had missed it before. Pacing around the room, she fought hard to rewind and convince herself that this part of her life was mistakenly fast-forwarded.

10:30 PM: Although her job wasn't much in terms of workload, they made up for it with the early wakeup call. On a hunch and in hopes of restoring her ego Hannah texts him again"Coming?"

11:30 PM: The silence was deafening. In more ways than one, they saw in each other something irreplaceable. Neither could articulate it to the other without the use of body language.

It was hard to see how he could be motivated enough to send a text longer than "O dot K." He didn't care if she was dying, in jail or in space. Angry sad and shocked she bolted out of that room before reality could set in deeper. On the way down, she bumped into that pretentious Aussie,

"I'm sad I didn't hear from you" he winked.

Fuck off is what she wanted to scream and shout. How do people live and die moving through the world like this?

1:00 AM: Home and alone. Unmade beds and dirty bathrooms, the life of someone passing through. The weekend left her unable to lie down without discomfort. So, she went into the living room and drowned out to the sound of cake faced anchors discussing the news of the day.