Sincerely yours

Chapter 3: broke her

Chases POV

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck, what have I done. My hands run through tugging at my hair and dragging down my face. It's been a few hours since I left the house and I still can't seem to get her face out of my mind. Fuck. She looked so broken and vulnerable. I shouldn't have said those things. I was so fucking selfish and self centered. How could I be so cruel. To even bring up her family. Fuck man.

"Hey man, what's u- woah you look like shit dude what's what's happened?" My bestfriend Max strolls I'm with some files I've been needing from his company, dropping them on my desk we both have a seat. My hands still over my face I mumble a "Embre."
"Dude, what'd you do this time." He says sounding quite off. Like maybe disappointment I don't know.
I take my hand off my face and finally look up to him so he can see how shit I feel.
"I fucked her." I honestly can't be fucked beating around the bush so I just bluntly state it how it is. His eyebrows raise and he looks a little taken back. I wait for him to say something.
"Well, isn't that a good thing? We all can see that you've got a thing for her you just don't want to admit it because you made yourself that stupid "promise", he quotes with his fingers. His reply only makes me more frustrated who's is what I expected. I hit my desk and he gets a fright.
"No it's not alright man! Because it was so fucking good. So good man. Sex has never felt like how it did with her with anyone. It was like... fuck man it was way more intimate and fuck I can't stop thinking about it. I couldn't even get turned on by Lydia when she did her daily routine of flirting with me like she usually does and I'm always getting turned on by her, but now I fucking can't and it's been ever since her." I stop pacing the room to look at who I call my best friend grinning at me like a Cheshire Cat. It's creepy as shit if you ask me. "What? What the hell are you looking at." I don't get what's there to grin about.

"You love her." He states matter of fact my get seriously. "Dude, what? No I don't. I can't." I start laughing like it's one of The funniest things ever but the whole time he just sits there staring at me. I presume, waiting for me to stop. "So you wouldn't mind if someone else looked after her? I mean like really took care of her. You know? Like how she deserves. Held her hand while they took walks through the park, held her close to him while they watched movies together all snuggled up on the sofa. Ate dinner with her admiring the way she laughed every time he cracked some dumb joke. Someone who held her in his arms at night and constantly made love to her making sure she knew that she was loved. You wouldn't mind that?" I grit my teeth together and clench my jaw so hard you would thing it's going to break. "Yeaahhh.... no. She can't she's my wife." He raised an eyebrow at me and the next thing he says leave me shook. "Well maybe you should start treating her as one ayy mate. Never know when she'll leave." I scoff at that. "Please dude, she's never going to leave. I already know her like the back of my hand. She won't leave. I can guarantee it." I say with so much confidence. He just scoffs then chuckles and announces he's gotta head back. I get back to my work trying to stay focus.

A few hours later...

I'm finally home but as I go to unlock the door I'm met with emptiness. That's weird... it's like, I check my watch and see that it's indeed 10:30 at night. I close the door and take my shoes off then go to walk around the house. She's not here? Everything's still tidy and clean. I go to look up in all the rooms but she's no longer there either. Maybe she just went for a walk I try to tell myself. But she's always home. She never goes out at night. She doesn't have any friends to go out with? And no family here that I know of, they all fled the country so where the hell is she.

A voice in my head keeps telling me "why do you care" and I'm trying to figure out why but I don't know. It's just, unusual her being out, especially this late. I go up and have a shower and everything and change into my bed clothes. By time I come back down it's quarter to midnight and now I'm starting to get a little worried and frustrated. So I pull my phone out and dial her number, only for it to go straight to voicemail. I keep ringing her and sending loads of text messages that are probably unnecessary but I'll admit I'm worried. What if something happened to her? "Like you care" says the annoying voice in my head. As I ring her one more time I hear a noise coming from the sofa. I walk over only to be met with her cellphone. Well that's great. She doesn't have her phone on her either. Now I'm starting to worry. I pick it up and go to put it on the coffee table in front of the sofa when the lock screen comes to life, showing me a photo of Embre and some other girl, who looks, somewhat similar to Embre but I thought she never had any family here. I can't help but stare at her smile. "God your beautiful." I mutter to myself as I keep looking at the photo. Her smile is so ... real. Why have I never seen it before. "Because you don't deserve to" the nagging voice in my head tells me once again. I sigh and out her phone down and go to the kitchen to have some dinner.

I go to the microwave only to see there's nothing in there. Huh? She always fixes me a plate and leaves it in the microwave. Now, I'm getting really worried. What if something happened. Oh fuck I wasn't here to protect her. By now I've lost my appetite because I'm still too busy worrying about Emmy and where the hell she could be. I assure myself she's okay and head up to go to bed.

I realise that I'm not getting anywhere with sleep. With the constant tossing and turning I just can't go to sleep knowing she's out there. I turn to my bed side alarm to see it's now near quarter past 2 in the morning. I head back down stairs to get a drink when suddenly I hear the door open and her soft foot steps echoing through the room. She obviously can't see me because it's dark but I'm definitely going to make my presence known now.

"Where the hell were you?!" I all but yell which seems to really startle her as she gasps and spins around to face me. She looks shocked and lost for words I'm guessing? I don't know I'm not really paying attention because I'm too busy trying to control the rage I have inside me. I make my way towards her and I can see her shrinking back in fear. Still not having answered my question I have no choice but to raise my voice again.

"I said, where the hell were you?! Answer me dammit!" I'll admit that was a little harsh as I watch her flinch back from my tone but this girl has no idea how fucking worried I've been. My rage has calmed down a little knowing that she's here and okay although I don't miss the dried tear stains on her Rosie cheeks. I spoke to soon as her reply only sends my rage spiralling once again.
"No where." She reply's with all too calmly and I have to clench my fists from punching something.
"Well obviously it wasn't no where otherwise I wouldn't be up this late constantly worrying where the hell you were and if something happened to you!!" I yelled in her face causing her to flinch back and then a scowl over takes her beautiful face. That's doesn't stop me though, I carry on. "And I called you so many fucking times why the fuck weren't you picking up?! Huh?! Why the fuck would you ask for a phone when your not even going to fucking use it stupid idiot ?!" Okay so that was uncalled for I know. And stupid considering I already know why she wasn't picking up as I found her phone but I was angry, fuck that I was fuming. I expect for her to apologise like she always does but the next thing she says shocks me to my core.

"Are you serious right now?! You've got to be fucking kidding me." Oh shit. I fucked up. How do I know ? Because she's now swearing. And she never swears. "How dare you demand where the hell ive been like your the boss of me, who the hell do you think you are?!" Woah okay. This is really unexpected. This wasn't suppose to happen. I can't help but look a little taken back. I go to open my mouth to say something. Anything but she cuts me off and continues her rambling. "First you fuck me and then leave me hanging telling me how disgusting and unloveable I am!" No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Oh please Emmy don't say that. "You knew how much I fucking loved you and you used that to your sick advantage to get me in bed with you!" Wait what? "How could you do that to me?! Huh?! What did I ever do to you!!!!" By now I can't help my face softening as I take in the tears streaming down her face and the broken look she's giving me. But she's not done there and so I keep quiet, quite frankly having no idea of what to say to her. "You disgust me Chase. You think I wanted this? You think I wanted to live and be married to someone that's never going to even try and love me?" At this point her tears are now cutting my heart along with her words stabbing it. I see her whispering to herself to take deep even breathes. I can just see the determination in her eyes to finish what she has to say. So I keep quiet. How could I ruin her like this. "All you ever do is point out my wrongs and my flaws and I'm tired." Oh fuck no. No. No. No Emmy. No she can't leave. No please no. Don't leave me baby. I'm so sorry. "I tried with you, I really did. I tried to show you that I'm not like those other gold digging whores who only want you for your money. But you never cared for me for whatever reason Or whatever I did I wouldn't have a clue." I fucked up. That's all that's going through my head right now. And I'll admit this is the first time I've ever been scared in my life. Saddest bit is that it's only hitting me right now. That's not even the worse part. What she says next shatters me and it's only now that I realise that, I don't know if I'd actually be able to cope if she left. "You treat me like shit after everything I have done and do for you. You can't even have the decency to say thank you after everything I put up with and do for you. So you don't have the right to ask me where I've been because it's not like you give a shit anyways. You've hurt me too many times and I'm done." With that being said she turns on her heel and leaves. Not even going to our room, but to a guest room. Far from ours.

I. Fucked. Up. How could I do this. How could I put her through this. Fuck. I hate myself. I need to leave. I get my car keys and go to the nearest bar to drink my sorrows away. I'm so disgusting. I broke her. And I'll never forgive myself.