It is Saturday, September 21, 2019.
It has been a few days after my dads surgery and my dog just jumped onto his leg. He started to holler and his eyes started to water. And I can't help but blame myself for the dog hoping onto him because I scared him.
Ethan just took his insulin for the first time at home. But I can't stop thinking about my dog and my dad. It was like it played in slow motion. This is the second time it has happened the first time was a month or so ago. When my dad got a biopsy on his knee they scraped out some of the cancer to test it. A few days after that the dog hopped onto him. It wasn't as bad as this time. But it was still kinda scary. This time was horrible I saw it happen this time I saw my dads face turn into shock then horror.
My life is horrible and scary. And sickening. I hate how bad my life has become. And my mom is acting like it is normal. They are divorced they have been for a while. But foxtrot jumping on dad I think really messed up my dad each time I look up at him he has the same look. Like horror and disappointment. I wish I could take his place to take his cancer I would if I really could it is my wish. I remember when we lived in LaPlace it was so much better then when we moved to Norco. I met great people and horrible people. But once we moved here after a few good years things started to go down hill. And I learned who is really important in my life. I learned who was my true friends.
I learned that family and friends are my number one. My word has been so scary. And I can't help but blame myself. What if it is all because of me? What if it is my fault my dad has cancer and Ethan has diabetes? What if I'm the dog jumping into my fathers leg? What if I'm causing the pain? Maybe I am. But I can try my best to fix what I broke and destroyed. I will do my best. And maybe one day he will forgive the dog who jumped onto his leg.
