Sargent Akabane

Chapter 22 Nagisa's breakdown

I sit in the school infirmary with my back to the wall and my legs pulled up to my chest as I hide in my face in them. The tears still threaten my eyes but I manage to choke them back.

I feel utterly embarrassed for attacking Karma like that...and making a scene...It's been a while since that happened and although Koro-Sensei tried to talk to me about it I didn't answer him...I didn't want to. Did Karma hate me for what I did? Was he mad at me, what did the other students think...

Suddenly I hear the door the infirmary open and I don't look up, to afraid to. I just listen, and I hear it close once more before soft footsteps come closer, I tense as the weight of the bed shifts as somebody sits down beside me and I feel a soft touch on my shoulder.

I wait for something, but there's just silence. I sit there for a bit, not moving or speaking just trying to control my fast breathing. Finally, I look up just a bit, enough for my eyes to peek out and I see him sitting at my side concern written all over his face as his amber eyes are stuck on me.

I can't look away, it's as if he has me stuck in his gaze,

"Are you okay?" He speaks softly as if any louder would frighten me. I didn't know the answer to that question, was I okay? No....I wasn't.

I just shook my head and I could feel his grip on my shoulder tighten. There.....was a long pause, before I heard him speak again.

"You...." He hesitated, "Said something about not being strong. Do you really believe you aren't strong Nagisa?" My heart drops and I push down the urge to cry...I'd done more than enough crying while I'd been waiting.

Sniffle

"Well?" He urged gently and I gave him a quiet nodd....I never wanted anyone to see this side of me..this weak and vulnerable side of me. I hated it, I hated being weak and letting people see me like that. I wanted to be strong....even if I really wasn't I didn't want others to know that....i'd been pushed around all my life and I didn't want to let it bring me down...

I managed a side glance in his direction, his hand still on my shoulder as he waited for an explanation. I bit my lower lip that was trembling and the choking feeling in my throat grew stronger...

"I..." Don't cry...don't cry.....crying makes me weak....."I was never strong enough....I-I was always pushed around my entire life.." I paused...why was I so afraid to open up to Karma after all we'd been through....was it because I was finally showing just how weak I was? I managed to continue, "I-I wasn't strong enough....I wasn't strong enough to keep my family together...I cried when I was hit so my mom left us....." My lower lip trembled more fiercely as I swallowed the lump forming in my throat...

dont....cry....I....can't let him see me cry.....

"I-I wasn't strong enough to stop my dad from drinking....And...I-I-ah-I-" Before I could stop it I felt the moister run down my cheeks and immediately covered my face trying to calm the rising pain in my heart of the horrible memories and the guilt I had eating away at me-all of it that I had tried to forget about was coming back up.

I clutched my arm that was covered by the short sleeve of my blue PT shirt and the tears poured as I tried to hide them with my free hand.