Expect the Unexpected ➳ Ashton Irwin

A Chaotic Mess

A/N: Everything in bold italics is a flash back. There's a song on the side but don't play it until told to :) And sorry for taking so long, I had a bit of writers block. Any-who... Enjoy!

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How pathetic would it make me if I said the only time I have left the house in the past three months was to go to therapy sessions?

Actually on second thought, don't answer that.

With everything going on, mum thought it would be best if I had someone to talk to and though I wasn't particularly fond of the idea, I didn't put up a fight considering how exhausted she already looked. I can barely look at her these days without feeling sick to my stomach with guilt. The big purple bags under her eyes are just a reminder of what I do. Whether it be Myself, mum, dad, or Ashton, I always seem to hurt people though it's never intentional.

Between work and trying to fend off the pests that always surround my house now -with their stupid camera flashes lighting up the house every few seconds- means I don't see my dad very often. I miss the close bond we used to have, I always felt like I could talk to him about anything.

My mum has had to take time off work due to stress, not that it's helping much since we're in desperate need for money. That's at the top of the list of worries, followed by the fact I have been summoned to court in only nine days and last but not least; The media that won't give up even though they haven't found out anything, thank god..

It's been three weeks since the last phone call or text message Ashton sent me. He's finally given up. That thought alone makes my heart clench. Even though I keep reminding myself it's for the best, it doesn't stop the waves of pain that crash through me every time I am -unwillingly- reminded of him. In the first month, I had cleared my room of all my posters, CD's and other merchandise involving 5SOS. It's just too hard.

Everything is just too much and I have no idea how to handle it all on my own anymore, it's not like I can confide in my parents, all that will do is cause them to stress and worry more -if that's even possible- and that's the last thing we need.

Ashton probably hates my guts, I wouldn't blame him really. I handled everything in the most cowardly and cliche way I knew how. And the only other person that I want is her.

And that's exactly what I told Karen, my therapist. 

"All of your problems stem from one thing in particular and the only way things can start to get better for you is if you face it. I know you've been through a lot Violet, more than a girl your age should have to go through but your still here. If that's any indication of how strong you are, you can do this. Face your fears and let out all the things you've been bottling up."

After about an hour of contemplating whether or not I should do this and why I chose to do it at 4 in the morning -well 5 now- I step out of the car and walk down the make shift pathway that was oh-so familiar. There was only a few rock here and there to guide me in the right direction but I've been here so many times, that its burned into my brain. It was our secret hangout spot after all.

The drooping branches of the willow tree blankets it from the harsh wind. As soon as i'm close enough, I drop to my knees and move the rope-like branches out of the way, revealing a name I haven't said out loud for a year.

Emma Pennington.

Just seeing her name makes my eyes well up in tears and my mind fill up with unwanted memories. I push them away, my fingers slowly trace each letter, gathering a layer of grime and moss as I do so.