Europa - A Banshee Story

6. Becoming the Captain

Danny Morder (just north of Aghavannagh, Ireland - October 13, 2020) 

The same hills that had looked so beautiful this morning now look dark and ominous. I cannot help but feel a sense of dread as I stand in front of the fresh graves that I have just dug. The bodies of Jean and Lucy lie next to the two holes in the ground. Lana and Kayden stand on the other side of the graves, both rubbing their eyes every couple of seconds. I crouch down next to Lucy and look at her now bone white face one more time.

My precious baby...  

The tears won't come to me though. As I kiss my daughter one last time, however, they flow abundantly down the faces of Lana and Kayden, who also knew her and Jean. I close the blanket in which Lucy has been wrapped and carefully lower her into the smaller grave. After having laid her down at the bottom of the grave, I carefully climb back out again. Crouching down next to my Jeanie, I place my hand on the side of her face...

She feels so cold... 

What have they done to her...? My wife is warm... a warm person, always so full of life, so full of love... but all the warmth and love and life has been drained from her body... I kiss her face one last time before I close her blanket as well. I lower myself into the second grave before Lana and Kayden lift Jean into my arms. I lower her gently down to the bottom of the grave and lay her down with the utmost reverence and care.

A single tear breaks through now. The thought of Jean and Lucy being gone...

May their souls be home in heaven... 

...finally seems to sink in. It is only the one tear, however, that comes rolling down my face; enough to make me look like I actually cared for my wife and child, but not enough for me. I love Jean and Lucy more than anything in the world, but now that they're gone... I cannot even get myself to shed more than a single tear over them. What is wrong with me...? For a moment I become angry with myself. Why can I not feel sad... no, heartbroken over the loss of Jean and Lucy, like a normal person would...

I climb out of Jean's grave and look down at her and Lucy for a moment before I slowly grab the shovel and close their graves. I takes me about an hour before both graves are finally filled up. Lana and Kayden each pick up a cross, one with Jean's name on it and the other with Lucy's. As I look at the two large patches of dirt in silence, they place the crosses at the heads of the graves. 

I suddenly feel a desperate urge to leave, to get away from this place. There is just too much grief here, seemingly mocked by the beauty of the surrounding landscape...

A perfect place to be buried... a terrible place to visit a grave...  

I walk back to the ship, accompanied by Lana and Kayden. The others are already waiting there. We all head back on board. I take my place on the pilot's throne and get us out of here.

Lana walks onto the bridge and stands next to me.

"Hi", she says.

"Hey", I say back.

"How are you holding up?"

"I don't know... I feel sad for losing Jean and Lucy... but for some reason I can't let it out... I don't know anymore..."

"It will come in time..." she says, "In the meantime I guess there is little you can do about it. But if you ever need a friend to talk to, I'll be in the medibay."

"Thank you Lana, you're a good friend..."

"I'm sorry I couldn't come anytime sooner..."

"No!" I say, "Don't be. You could have been killed too. I don't even know how I survived it."