Forbidden Love

Maybe it's time to admit it?

Lindsey's POV

My head is pounding when I open my eyes, the sun shining bright through my open blinds. I lift my hand to block the light. My entire body feels heavy. 

I hear a knock on my door. "Yeah?" 

Christen pokes her head in. "Hey there sleepy head, Tobin is making avocado toast, do you want some?" She smiles at me. 

I nod my head. "Hey, uh what happened last night?" I ask her.

She smirks, "You and Toby might've gotten drunk," she shrugs her shoulders. 

I throw my head back on my pillow. "That would make sense." 

She chuckles before closing the door softly. I sigh and decide to get up. I look for my phone and find it under my bed. I was hoping for a text from a certain blonde, but then I remember what I said to her before she left the stadium. 

"Ugh," I say softly. I know that I need to apologize but I'm not ready to just yet. I toss my phone on my bed, deciding that I don't want to think about that right now. 

When I walk into the kitchen I see Christen and Tobin sitting at the bar eating. Tobin looks up when she hears me walk in. "I made you some toast," she says, flicking her head towards a plate sitting next to her. 

"Thanks T," I say pulling out the bar stool and sitting down slowly. She hums as she eats her breakfast. 

We're eating quietly before Christen speaks up. "So do you want to tell me why you both decided to get plastered last night?"

Tobin looks at me. I know she isn't going to tell Christen that I have feelings for Emily so she's looking at me to come up with an excuse. I set my toast down, thinking about whether or not I want to tell Christen the truth. I know I can trust her so I decide with the later. 

"I like Emily. And after finding out she's sleeping with Hayley I got upset and Tobin picked up on my feelings and we talked about it and I admitted that I liked her and that I've liked her since we slept together last year in Seattle when we were both drunk and the next morning I freaked out and that's why she moved out and Tobin and I live together." I'm looking down at my plate, so when I look up, Tobin's eyebrows were raised and Christen looked shocked.

"Dang Linds, take a breath," Tobin chuckles. 

"Um, well, okay then." Christen nods her head slowly.

"Yeah, I like Emily." I say it a second time as more of a reaffirmation for myself. 

Christen looks at Tobin who shrugs, not knowing what to say. Christen looks at me again, she reaches for my hand, "I won't say anything." 

"I know you won't." 

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

I shake my head no and chuckle. "Why do you think I got drunk last night?" 

Tobin snorts and rolls her eyes. "Have you heard from her at least? We should all hangout today." Christen nods excitedly.

I scratch the back of my head, "Uh, I think she might be mad at me...." 

"What? Why?" 

"I might've possibly gotten mad that she went with Hayley last night and said we didn't actually want her here...." 

"Lindsey! What the heck? Now she's going to think all of us are mad at her," Tobin says aggravated. 

"I-I was just hurt that she would choose Hayley over us," I say quietly, looking down at my barely eaten avocado toast. Tobin sighs. "Linds, she isn't choosing Hayley over us. She's just doing something different right now." 

I know that Tobin is right and that was I said was out of anger and shock. "I know, I know, I need to apologize, but right now I just need some time," I huff.  

Tobin nods, looking at Christen. "We're probably going to go to the farmer's market downtown after this, do you want to come?" Chris picks up her plate along with Tobin's and puts them in the sink. 

"Nah, I'm okay. I'll probably just stay here and chill." Christen looks at Tobin, trying to get her to convince me to come. Tobin shrugs, knowing that she isn't going to be able to change my mind. 

"Okay, fine," Christen says, holding up her hands in defeat. "I'm going to go change and then I'll be ready," she gives her girlfriend a look. I roll my eyes, knowing that Tobin is about to ask me if I'm really okay. 

"I am fine T, really." I beat her to the punch. She has a sad look on her face. 

"You know I care about you Linds, I just want to make sure you're alright." I roll my eyes but inside, my heart is full because this girl right here is the sister I never had. She stands up and walks out of the kitchen, leaving me to my thoughts.

I finish my avocado toast and go back to the safety of my own room. I curl up under my comforter and go on Twitter. I see all the memes from last night's game and laugh. Some of them are really funny. Emily's face looks so scared and that just reminds me of how angry I was at ARod. I didn't even have to think before getting in her and Em. I wasn't going to let anyone hurt her. 

I scroll through Twitter a little longer until Tobin pokes her head in my room, "We're headed out Linds, call us if you need anything." I nod, "Have fun." She looks at me with pity, "You should do something too, instead of staying in bed on your phone. Maybe take a walk or something." I just roll my eyes. She chuckles, "Bye." 

I scroll through Twitter some more, seeing more pictures from the game. I see some of me and Ellie, Ellie and Caitlin, and then I freeze when I see Emily and Hayley together. Emily is laughing, the laugh where her head is thrown back and her eyes are closed. I know that's her real laugh, the one when she ends up snorting, making her laugh more. Hayley is smiling too, looking at Emily. They look happy. 

Honestly I don't know how I didn't see this earlier. I mean yeah I've been hanging out with Cait and Ellie more but I didn't think that would affect my relationship with Sonny. 'Did I do this to myself?' I get out of Twitter and pull up Em's Instagram. Her last picture is of her, Mal and Kelley throwing the first pitch. 'Okay, so not Instagram official' I think to myself. I scroll through more of her pictures and notice that Hayley's been commenting on them. Saying cutie or hearts, stuff like that. To anyone else it would seem like a friendly thing, but I see now that it was more than that. 

I let out a frustrated groan. I know looking at this is only going to make me feel worse. 

I spend the rest of the day bundled up, watching Grey's Anatomy. Tobin and Christen came home and I hadn't moved since they left. Tobin walks into my room without bothering to knock. "Hey Linds," I pause  my show. 

"What's up?" 

"So...we saw Emily at the farmer's market." 

I raise my eyebrows, "Why on earth would Em be at a farmer's market? That girl doesn't even know what vegetables are." 

"She was there with Hayley...." 

"Oh." 

Tobin nods, "I uh talked to her. She said she was really confused as to why you were acting the way you were. And that you hurt her feelings after the game...." I cover my face with my pillow.

Tobin sighs and tries to pull the pillow off my face. "Just talk to her. She's your best friend. And she misses you." 

"I-I just don't know how to act whenever she's going to talk about Hayley or leave me to be with Hayley. I don't want to see them together...." 

"Well, I don't think you should just stop being friends with her because she now has a girlfriend. You two are too good of friends for that. She's not going to stop hanging out with you, she isn't the type to ditch her friends for a girl. Just....maybe take it day by day. I know that your feelings for her are strong but I think you would miss her more if you just cut her out of your life. Plus I don't think either of you would survive that. You know what happened last time." 

I nod. I know she's right. Em would never ditch me or stop hanging out with her friends because she was in a relationship. I grab my phone, trying to figure out how I'm going to apologize to best friend that I also happen to possibly be in love with.