I'm Broken {Harry Styles}

Chapter 19

| Lacey's POV |

I had been trying-fighting even-to keep the tears inside. But that task was proving to be more difficult than I imagined. It's not so much that I'm sad, more that I feel misunderstood. Harry doesn't understand, and why should he? He doesn't know me, he's not abused nor raped. I may have people around me but I am truly alone. I feel guilty for thinking this because Meg has always been so kind and thoughtful. She doesn't deserve to be thought about like this but it's the truth. We may have nice conversations and I can tell her secrets, but she doesn't empathize with what I tell her; nobody does.

"It's all my fault." I buried my head into my hands and allowed the salty liquid to stream out of my eyes.

I felt a hand being placed gently on my back and rubbing soothing circles. "It's alright, Lacey. It's not your fault," Harry said. These words made me angry. Of course it's my fault. Who else is there to blame? My late mother? No.

"You don't understand!" I screeched. "It is my fault! It's my fault that my mother's dead, it's my fault that my father abuses me, it's my fault that my boyfriend tried to rape me!" I stood up and began pacing while running my hands through my hair. He just doesn't understand.

"How the fuck is any of that your fault? Why is it okay that your father hits you? That's never okay!" Now he was standing.

"Because I lead them on! I do stupid shit that makes him hit me! I stay out all night, or work a late shift, or don't come out when he calls me! If I did all of that then he wouldn't hurt me! It's all my fault!" I was seething. He isn't comprehending was I'm saying and, frankly, it's pissing me off.

"And what about your 'boyfriend' trying to rape you? What makes that okay?" We were now face-to-face. Both of our voices elevated to their loudest volumes.

"Because I was his girlfriend! People who are dating have sex! That's a normal relationship so obviously he's going to want to have sex! And me, being the annoying bitch I am, didn't want to so what else was he supposed to do?!"

"He could have fucked his hand instead of trying to get off on top of you!" Harry turned around and took a few steps away while pulling at his hair. "All of this shit that you are saying is just that, complete and utter bullshit! Absolutely none of it makes sense!"

"None of it makes sense? None of it makes sense? It makes perfect sense, your just too stupid to see it! The reason bad people are all around me is because I turn them bad! My father used to be amazing! He would take me to the park, and play board games when it was rainy, and build pillow forts, and take me to get ice cream. But once he stuck around long enough without my mum to keep him sane, he spent so much time with me he went mad! And Zayn! He was a perfect gentleman when I first met him! And then the longer he spent time with me the worse he got!"

"Zayn? A gentleman? Are you fucking crazy? He was possibly the farthest thing from a gentleman! He does drugs, he gets drunk, he hires whores and strippers, he steals things! If that's what you consider gentlemanly you must really need to go to that insane asylum!" He was positively fuming at this point; as was I.

"See? He hired whores and strippers for sex! Something that I couldn't give to him! Those girls willingly give it out to people they don't even know and I couldn't even give it to my own boyfriend!" Why doesn't he understand?

"You just don't get it! It's not right that he hires those girls, and it's not right that he forced himself on you! If he was really your boyfriend then he wouldn't have done that! He would have waited until you were ready! You need to stop defending him! When you came here last night you were a broken mess because of him, your so-called boyfriend!"

I slumped down onto the couch with my tears flowing freely. I hid my face in my hands and cried. What Harry was saying makes sense, but it's not true. It's all my fault and he should stop trying to deny it before I turn him into an even worse person.

His hand was once again rubbing soothing circles on my back. "Lacey, it's all right. You-" he paused. "Do you smell that? It smells like something's burn-shit the brownies!" I looked up and chased after him into the kitchen. There were little puffs of smoke coming out of the oven. Harry grabbed a mitt and opened it up. Smoke billowed out and he coughed and tried to wave away the smoke with his hand. He grabbed the brownies and slammed the oven door shut, and then turning off the heat. We stared at the burnt brownies and simultaneously gave a big sigh.

Suddenly his fire alarm went off and started beeping like mad.

"Well that's just grand," Harry muttered.

"Didn't you set the timer?" I asked, wiping away leftover tears.

"Yeah, I did." He looked over at the oven clock and gave out a half-laugh. "I set it for three hours not thirty minutes." We both started laughing at his stupidity.

"Well there's a waste of a perfectly good box of brownies."

"Yeah, and while you weren't looking I sneaked some weed into the mix so we could have pot brownies. Now that's a huge waste of my good stuff." We both started laughing again and I playfully swatted him.

"Harry! I don't do drugs! And neither should you!" I scolded lightly.

"Whatever, Mum." He pretended to be a moody teenager by sloughing down and rolling his eyes. I just laughed. It was nice that the mood could be lifted so easily.

"You should probably throw those away..." I trailed off while looking at the pan.

"Yeah, you'e probably right," He sighed and reached out to grab the pan.

"Wait it's-" I began to warn him that it would still probably be hot.

"Shit!" he screamed out and dropped the pan. It let out a loud clattering sound as it landed on the floor.

"Hot," I finished.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit," He mumbled. "That was really fucking hot!"

"Run your hand under cold water."

"I'll be fine." He tried to play it off like it didn't hurt that bad but I could see right through it.

"Trust me, it'll just get worse. I've had plenty of experience with burns." I took his hand and then looked up at him. He was looking at me with pity. "Not just from... That. I work in a restaurant, remember?" I joked. He cracked a small smile and that was good engough for me.

I lead him over to his sink and turned on really cold water. I stuck his hand in and he cringed away.

"It's cold." He sounded like a little baby and, honestly, it was adorable.

"Don't worry, it'll feel good," I reassured. He gave in and let me douse his hand in the freezing liquid. We both just stood there, not talking. We were watching our hands under the water. My two small ones and his large one. His hands were rough and calloused; and somehow tan in this dreary weather. Whereas mine were dainty and soft in comparison.

We both must have been zoning out because when Harry gave a small little cough I finally realized how cold the water was.

"That seems to be good," I said while I pulled my hand away.

"Yeah, thanks." He smiled at me and I smiled back. "I should probably clean this up," He stated, looking at the mess on the floor.

"Don't forget an oven mitt this time." I joked.

"Trust me, I wouldn't dare." We both laughed as he cleaned up the burnt brownies and threw them away.

~

Holaaa bitchessss

How was everyone's Halloween? Did you dress up? (I did, I was a skeleton)

I hope you like this chapter and it was a pretty quick update (right? I updated on thursday?)

I'm really fucking hungry so ima goo get lunch

byeeeee xoxo