Annihilation - Book Three

Chapter 21

Coming to terms with the fact that I'd cursed him brought more emotions than I was expecting, coupled with the outright rejection he'd given me. Verando was not interested in being a lycan, and more so, he was not interested in feeding off of me to sustain his injuries. As much as he tried to act like a human in front of me, I was painfully aware of the fact he was struggling to adjust. 

He missed meals, and when he did so, he was cranky from hunger. Yet, his body struggled to conform to what we call 'human' food. Truth be told, he wanted to hunt, much as he wouldn't admit it. The habit and the cravings were still there, and he struggled with the monotony of eating so often. 

The sacrifice of my blood seemed like such a small price to pay, one I would happily give. 

"This isn't what I wanted." When I finally coaxed his feelings out of him, it broke me that he looked so angry, putting me on the defense. This hadn't been my intention, but I couldn't hide the fact that I was happy we'd been able to trigger the wolf. 

"We can't always get what we want. Isn't that practically your mantra? You should be thanking me! I've fixed your shoulder!" I'm so hurt; I've wanted this for him for so long, and all he can focus on is the consequences. I had always assumed his anger stemmed from pain; watching him limp while others bound freely across the courtyard drove me to contemplate cures more times than once.

 Verando would stumble from landings,  struggle with guarding such a significant defect, and deal with the frustration of his limitations. Even when I would cling to his body, I could feel the hesitation when my nails would skirt over the injured shoulder, see him flexing his hands to get the feeling back, watching him stretch and twist to get relief for his back. 

I'd given him a break from all of that, a way out. "I've freed you."

"By damning me to another curse. This was our chance to be normal, to not worry about the wolf any longer-" 

"Fuck being normal!" I snap at him, shoving him away to cross my arms over my chest. "Where is this coming from? Why do you want to be human so badly? Human's die, Randy. They die! All the time! The wolf is a part of you, a part that I love; I can't do this to Alpha; I can't damn him to an eternity in purgatory because you want this ridiculous fantasy!"

 It's easy to forget what others want. When I met him, that was all he wanted: to free his people of this curse. Much as I like to separate the two, he is a part of those people, but I never imagined he would want to be rid of something so beautiful and so alive. I'd grown to love the beast that lurked beneath the surface just as much as I loved him. 

Alpha protected me once I earned his respect, and it was my turn to return the favor, even if it meant it was from his other half. 

I knew he wanted peace, that he had been enjoying the silence and simplicity of this life, but I feel we are pretending we can be something that we are not. This isn't him; this life doesn't allow for a soft human leader when the world is so harsh and deadly. Searching my face, he's cautious of me. We had hardly had a standoff such as this; it wasn't in my nature to lash out at him. 

"So am I to believe you are choosing Alpha over me? Without my wolf, you aren't interested?"

 We need something sturdy that can take the full brunt of the onslaught that is to come. After being forced to relive the past in the book, I realized something was happening to my father, and he picked Verando to create balance. It had always been suspected that my father could see glimpses into the future, and I felt down to my core that we would need the wolf, that he'd foreseen something that Verando could help prevent.

"It's not just our lives, Randy," I whisper, brought to a pause by the hurt in his voice. "You taught me that, you know. Sometimes, we don't get to choose. This-" I gesture to him, stepping towards him to place my hands on his chest. "This isn't you."