Annihilation - Book Three

Chapter 39 (M)

 Verando doesn't answer me.

The question had been stewing in his mind for some time for him to accuse me outright during something so routine as attempting to sleep with him after the day's stress. 

Taking a long, slow breath, I force myself to rein it in. He's lost people, too. We're both hurting, both so impossibly raw from what we'd endured and now to bear it all to each other felt like another test. We were wary, testing the waters, worried the other would run at the slightest hint of weakness. 

"Alpha' is hot, but what I want- what I need, is Randy. I like that you command me and insist your will upon me, but not for the reasons you think. I know what it looks like... and how it's been for us, but things are different now. That's not what this is, and you know it; sex to cope has never been an issue before, so why are you stopping me now? You need it, too... I can see it on your face. You want me, just like I want you." 

I attempt to consider whether we have ever discussed this part of our relationship. 

Verando appears momentarily tempted, his lips dangerously close to mine as I pull him down to my height. As long as I could touch him, I could keep tempting the wolf back to me, dragging him back in. All at once, he grimaces, shaking his head as he attempts to pace away from me, irritated as I step in front of him to cut him off. 

"Jesus Christ, Nic, you're beaten to absolute hell and throwing yourself at me like a cat in heat. Can we not do this now? Penelope's got you feeling some sort of way; she told you herself I don't want her; can we not just drop it?" He touches my arms, keeping me at a distance from him as I scoff at the rejection. 

"So, do I turn your stomach? The infamous Verando is squeamish now?"

The warlord scowls. I smack his hand away, and he snarls, griping my jaw with gritted teeth. "You know, perhaps I quite like seeing you looking like a man for once? Instead of dressing in garments that resemble a damned dress? Now is not a good time, Nic. You're wounded; I'm worried about you, considering you just got bested by a woman; you're obviously still drained, and what you need is rest." 

My fingers tightened around his wrist, and part of me clung to him while the other struggled to get free. The desire to defend myself sparks in my chest, yet I crave this brutality, lusting after the way his fingers held me so possessively. I run my tongue over my teeth, my temper boiling at such petty insults. 

 "What a queer thing to say; all this time, I thought I was the exception-" My breath catches as my back presses against the hard stone wall, his fist clenched over my head as his fingers threaten to wrap around my neck. "You started it, asshole." I exhale, breathless, as I part my lips to invite him to kiss me.

"For the love-" Verando releases me, turning his back, as his hands rest on his hips once more. His broad shoulders are rigid, his back tight, as he stalks across the room to put distance between us. His body was scorching, and the wolf lingered just below the surface, warning me he was not in control. 

"With all of its faults.. this is why mortality is easier. As a mortal, this would not be an issue. As a mortal, your sinful tongue could not coax such a response out of me. I'm trying not to hurt you, and yet you beg me into temptation. I'm out of my mind, Nic; everyone we've drug with us on this death march is slowly dying off!" 

Crossing my arms firmly over my chest, I'm not fit for polite company, and I retaliate with a tenacity that shocks me. I was looking to feel, and pain was an acceptable emotion. I would instead do anything than mourn the dead, for we were due to lose more before this was over. 

"So why not partake while we are still alive to have it?!" I shoot back, trying not to raise my voice for fear of being overheard. "You say you can't control yourself, but look at you now. I never feel like I can't say no. Even if you're telling me to do something out of my comfort zone, you hear me in ways I'm not accustomed to. A lot of my self-worth is tied up in these games we play.. and... feeling lusted after is the only way I know how to feel safe. So don't blame your lack of desire to fuck me on something as remedial as mortality."