Annihilation - Book Three

Chapter 28

"Oh lord." Adriam exhales, standing up to put distance between my attempts to stand and Penelope's mounting anxiety. "Everyone stop. Right now. This one just had surgery, that one is an emotional mess, and you've got a wolf hiding in you, let's just take this down a notch, okay? Jesus tapdancing Christ, Verando. Again, with this? I'm going to castrate you myself!" 

"Adam," Verando growls, gesturing with his hand to get to the point.

"Penelope is pregnant. About four months along, by the timeline of when you first had sex with her. This can vary throughout that period, but that's about where she's measuring, baring that I'm not a midwife." Adriam taps his chin and looks over Penelope once more, shaking his head in disbelief. "Time sure does fly when you're having fun. Maternity really isn't my strong suit, sorry." 

It's been four months? 

Dumbfounded, I stare at my feet, my mind reeling. 

Where did the time go? Why is this happening? 

Inhaling shakily and wanting everyone to leave, I want to be alone. I couldn't be allowed to have this and be happy; I couldn't retain a bit of my sanity in the middle of the complete destruction of my home. Things just have a horrible habit of piling on, twisting the knife that much deeper into the realities of what I could never have—that I'd never be normal, that I'd never get to experience the very thing she wished to destroy.

Verando stands, walking over to Penelope's bed. He sits beside her, "How long have you known? Is this why you've been avoiding me?" 

"You've been avoiding me, asshole!!" Penelope snaps, sniffling and wiping at her eyes. 

Experience has taught him well that any sudden movement around a pregnant woman could be lethal, and he catches the end of her death glare as he contemplates a less-than-polite response to her accusation. 

"I've known pretty much since we got back to Ziduri. I hadn't had my blood; then I was so sick and so tired. It just wasn't a good time; you lied to me! You said this couldn't happen!" She gestures to her stomach, and he flinches. 

"I appear to have been wrong."

"You think?!" She hits him with her pillow, and Adriam clears his throat. 

"Guys," I can tell he's advocating for me. My heart is breaking in half. "Take it outside, " he insists, and I watch them leave to live their lives that will, now, never be the same. 

She has bonded him in a way that I can never achieve. I can never produce what she can or be for him what she can. I can feel my cheeks are wet, and I wipe at my eyes, blinking away the tears. 

"Thanks, Adriam." My voice is barely above a whisper. 

She doesn't even want it. This thought had never hit me before. Children were something I was never going to have since my orientation didn't allow for them; I'd accepted that, much as I fawned over my sister's dolls as a child, and being a 'mommy' was a game I always wished I could have played. It was easier to pretend like I didn't want it than to accept that it was never an option for me.

Women make children, I didn't fancy them, case closed. Not to mention that with my less-than-stellar father, they were the last thing on my mind, but here I am, devastated for my loss. I feel confused, and there's a dull ache, probably where my appendix used to be, that I'll never be able to fill.

 I can't have children, I will never have my own children, and I will never give Verando a child.

  Does he even want them?

He has three; he has to know what makes them at this point. Wiping at my eyes again, I groan in frustration, irritated that something so ridiculous had the ability to make me cry. It wasn't a question I ever thought I'd have to ask him, so why did it hurt so bad to consider it now?