Accepted To Kill

Chapter 14

Blood gushes into my eyes blinding me as I move slowly across the floor, dragging myself towards the door. I feel my forehead with my finger and it meets a gash above my left brow. This was a grave mistake coming back, I should have stayed outside.

A bloody handprint streaks across the floor as I attempt to get away, but now I can hear him getting closer. His voice sounds muffled and I know I was hit harder than I thought.  My back screams in pain but other places do as well. I'm not exactly sure where the damage is as my entire body is covered in blood.

For a second my eyes shut and I lose consciousness, and when I reopen them it doesn't seem as though he has reached me. I have to move. If I don't I will die.

Before my mind can force my body react I see his shadow on the floor next to me...he's right above me. I look up at him, his face appearing blurry and distorted.

"Please..." I start to say but then stop. I know begging will not work, he has no mercy. The door is only a few feet away. His foot lands on my chest and pushes me down. I can't breath! He pushes harder and starts to laugh.  He's got his prey captured.

I lean my head back against the floor wishing I could just sink into the wood cracks and disappear.

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I had considered going home to kill my father but that memory stopped me. That night was so painful. He had gotten so drunk he didn't know my name. I remember my mother being in the background sobbing. Dear mother... I wish I could avenge her death but I still fear my father. It's probably why I'm trying to sleep in an alley rather than killing him right now. I'm a coward. God why can't I just face my fear?

I wrap my arms tightly around myself as my body trembles as though the cold I feel is trying to escape. My flesh is numb and my limbs resistant to movement.

What was I thinking? I'll die out here for sure. I chose to sleep in an alley behind some trash so I wouldn't be bothered. Not my brightest idea but I didn't have many options if I don't wanna be killed by anyone. But I realize now that I either die by the hand of a human or the hand of nature. The air is like ice as it settles into my lungs, turning any liquid in my mouth into ice with it.

Rats scurry along the sides of the trash cans pulling food and other undesirable garbage with them. One touches my leg and I throw a nearby empty can at it then watch it waddle away quickly. These things are obese. You'd think people kept them as pets. A few more curiously approach and crawl on my leg. Annoyed I stand up and move away from the trash to find another spot. I can hardly see anything as I stumble through the dark alley, but this alley is not unknown to me. I'm near what I used to call home. What is now the death place of my mother.

Any happy memories I shared with my mother have all faded and gone dark. It's as though they died with her. The only face of my mother I can still picture is her dead pale corpse.  I wish it was me who had died. I am nearing the end of the alley and I carefully watch my footing. Sheets of black ice disguise themselves in the pavement waiting to pull me down to them. As much as I want to die at the moment I still have unfinished business.  What is wrong with me? Why can't I just take care of this?

I pause outside of the alley. My father is probably asleep by now. He's more than likely had a few drinks and passed out. I could kill him right now, but I want him to suffer! I want him to die slowly and painfully. I want him to feel what I felt all those years as he hurt my mother. He deserves no mercy, cause he showed us no mercy. If I kill him tonight I will be unleashing an animal inside me I didn't know existed. He will hardly be able to recognize me, but he will know. This thought pleases me. I want to see his begging eyes, and crush him when he pleads for mercy.

I find myself getting closer and closer to my home. The familiarity of this street feels distant. Like a place in the past that is gone. The memories on this street are long gone and ghosts of what was. Or perhaps am the one who is gone. I am not the boy I was.

The closer I get to my father's house the more rage builds within me. My stomach tightens anxiously. I'm no longer thinking rationally but I welcome this fury. Tonight this street will see blood. And it won't be mine.

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