Still You

Chapter 4

(Author- "Do all you want, where you see your self happy :)")

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Matapos ang klase ay dumiritso na ako sa bar at hindi na ako nagpa-alam kina Azolae. Nandito lang ako sa counter at naka-upo sa stool at umiinom. Wala akong paki kung sermonan ako nang magaling at perpekto kung ina. I hate her! Umiinom ako ng De Brassxcah a kind of expensive wine. Mayaman kaya ako. Came form the wealth and proud to say hindi ko yun pinagmamayabang. I'm not happy where I am now, where I stand right now. I don't need those fucking things, smooth bed, making money as a fan and others. I only want time and attention to my parents but they didn't gave it to me they would never give, the love that I want to feel. Am I that stupid to wish things like this? I'm only human wanted to love and to be love. Maybe I would be strong right now, if only his with me but I'm stupid for letting him go, for leaving him, I'm stupid, jerk, and a fucking bitch, bullshit!

Shit! Ang drama ko na masyado. But you know I always feel alone, though I have friends to lean in but still I don't feel contented, I don't feel the love that I wanted to feel-----

"We've meet again."-Bullshit he cut me on my remenisance. I look at him with my cold expression.

"What do you want?"

"Nothing."-Tipid niyang sabi at ininom ang vodka.

"Hai dude."-Sabi nung Zixx ba yun? Yung taong sinaktan ang isang Azolae. Tinignan ko lang siya ng pagkabagot.

"Your date?"-Tanong nung Zixx.

"No."-Tipid na sabi ni Drexxel ba yun? Di ko kasi masyadong matandaan.

"Excuse me?"-Sabi nung babae sakin. Ang sama naman yata ng tingin niya. Anong ginawa ko?
Yung tingin niya sa akin, para bang kulang nalang paglamayan ako ng mga kaibigan ko.

"Dadaan ka? Ayan oh! Ang laki-laki ng daanan Phenelofhy, nag i-excuse me kapa?"-Sigaw ko sa kanya, para rinig na rinig niya. Ang lakas din kasi ng music dito sa bar.

"You bitch!"-Galit niyang sigaw. Inilapit ko yung mukha ko sa kanya at itinapat ang bibig ko sa tenga niya.

"You witch."-Pang-aasar kung bulong sa kanya. Agad kung inilayo ang mukha ko sa kanya. Bakas sa mukha niya yung galit. And again? I won! She's really a loser. Tumalikod na ako at lumabas ng bar, masyado ng gabie kaya nakapagpasya akong umuwi na.

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I park my car in garage. I lazily open the rigid wooden door in front of me with my mother's judging look welcoming me with my first few step inside. Like ugh! I'm not a grade school student anymore.

"So, my dearest daughter. Do you know what time is it?"-She asked, as she crossed her arms on her chest. Unpleasant aura filled the air. Gabi na diba? Ba't may flag ceremony pa?

"I'm not stupid enough para 'di ko malaman ang oras!"

"Stupid enough ha? Then why are you smell drunk?"

"As if you care?"-I stared at the ground playing with my fingers.

"I care Shamara! What happen to you? Pinalaki ka namin ng maayos ng daddy mo. I mean, ano bang Mali dun? Saan ba kami nagkulang------"

"At sino ka naman para magsalita ng ganyan sa akin? Akala mo naman ang perfect-perfect ng pagpapalaki mo sa akin! Akala mo naman nanjan ka palagi para sa akin! Akala mo----"-She cut me off with a slap.

"I'm your mother!"-She bounced back, each word filled with tention, anger and disappointment. Okay so I'm the bad guy here? I've always been. My head swung low on the ground, I felt a heated feeling on the back of my eyes as tears started to well up. I stop it before lifting my head to face my mother, her once mysterious dark eyes filled with hatred.

"Yes, I know! You're my mother! But asked yourself first, have you always been there for me? Or perpahps make me fell that I'll never be alone or you'll always be at my side? Your always been busy with dad. You're not fighting for me. For pete's sake mom I'm your daughter. Two of you was so busy with your fucking company kayong dalawa ni dad! You've always pushed me around and tell me what to do! Kahit kailan hindi ko naramdaman na mahal niyo ako! You always do things just for you're own good! And sadly."-I paused, calming myself down. I felt a hot liquid pour down my cheek. I handled it for my last word.

"You used me! Aren't you ashamed with yourself?"-And that, I turned back and made my way towards our huge carpeted staircase. I lifted my heavy feet on ever step, making me stomps harder each time. I fucking hate my self so much. I open my bag and got my keys from one of my inner packet and open the door. I lazily hurled my bag on whatever the direction in fucking went and sluggishly slumped my exhausted body in my soft plush queen-size-bed. Urgh! Kailan ba ako titino? I mean matino naman ako dati. I miss my past life, the happiest moment that happened with my mom and dad, experience running around, play hide-and-seek, laugh over nonsense things with my family. But dad change when my twin died 8 years ago where we are in US specially mom, they take me granted, they feel me in our house that I'm a stranger and need to pretend the presence and act like my twin that moment they already pushed me around and one day I became worst, naging bato ang puso ko. Until now nothings change in my dad's eyes, she always look at me as a rebel, a bitch as if I was the worst daughter ever. No exaggeration. I rolled over my back. Ano pa bang dapat kung gawin para maging perpekto sa paningin ng parents ko? If I can curse them too much ginawa ko na noon pa.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:
I feel the bleeding huhuhhh my nose is bleeding, yukona mag english huhuh pero para sa inyo laban mga inay hehhehe basta comment lang ninyo kung nagustuhan ba ninyo tung tumatakbo sa mga sinusulat ko. Maraming salamat sa mga patuloy nag babasa :)