Breathe Me Back To Life •Patrick Stump+Fall Out Boy•

Chapter Thirty Three: I'm Not Okay, And It's Not Alright

||Cole Wentz|| First Person||

Who will fix me now?

Dive in when I'm down

Save me from myself

Don't let me drown.

"Cole, Hayley, hurry up." Pete scolds us, rushing us like usual. Hayley scoffs at him, wrapping her hands around the handle of her red suitcase. She pulls the handle up and begins to drag away while I throw the straps of my duffel bags over my shoulders. I grunt and follow after Hayley, my train ticket clamped between my teeth.

"Here you go," Andy says from behind me, his hands hooking underneath my arms as he lifts me up onto the first step of the train. I thank him with a playful roll of the eye, following after Hayley who was walking down the train aisle. I look down at my seat number on my ticket, remembering that we all were assigned seats because the train was already nearly full. Looks like a lot of people are going to Whistler.

"Seat five A2." I mumble under my breath, my eyes scanning the little ink stamps above each seat. I finally see my seat number, but when I look down, I'm greeted with a cold smile.

"Hurry up, Cole." Andy whines from behind me, slipping past me to go to his seat. I can't help but stay frozen in place, staring at the occupant of seat A1. Derek. Skinner. He hasn't changed, to be honest. I don't know what I expected- for him to change drastically in the short period of time I avoided him? His hair was still dark, the curly strands sweeping lower on one side of his forehead but not the other. His eyes were still as captivating and mysterious as ever. I think that's what made me fall in love with him- the eyes. What made me fall out of love with him was when those same eyes pierced me down into the mattress all those months ago against my will.

"You haven't changed a bit, Cole." He grins at me, adjusting his jacket over his slightly broad shoulders. He taps the seat next to him, gesturing for me to sit. I stare at his hand like there were scales across it, but all I remember are his sharp nails and the crescent like shapes imprinted into my wrists. "Sit before you make a scene."

"You sicken me." I growl under my breath, reluctantly slipping into the seat. I find myself moving closer to the edge of the seat, but those nails are digging into my wrists all over again as he pulls me back into the seat, closer to him. His hand doesn't let go of my wrist. "If you don't let go, I'll scream."

"Scream for what? Help? Your friends don't remember what I look like- I could be any frightened young man. It's not like they don't think you're batshit crazy already." Derek smirks easily, letting go of my wrist but leaving the threat of our close proximity to hang in the air. He could do anything to me right now, and I won't be able to do anything about it. I think that's what is scaring me the most.

"You aren't a part of my life anymore." I lie, because in all honesty, he was a part of my life. His memory and his imprints and the ideology that he actually hurt me made me the person I am today. A scaredy cat.

"That's a lie, and you know it." Derek says lowly, twisting my head to face him. He runs his tongue across his bottom lip, his eyes studying me with near animalistic intentions. I wanted to puke. "God, you're still as pretty as ever."

"I have a boyfriend." I state, thinking about how Patrick is at the very front of the train. My heart pounds in my chest as Derek snakes an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. He nuzzles his nose into my newly dyed hair, inhaling the scent. I shiver, trying to yank myself back from him.

"Oh, Colby, so innocent." He tells me, trying to press a kiss to my neck. I pull myself back from him just in time before those burning lips came in contact with my pale skin. "You really think I care?"

"I forgot, Derek. You're a douchebag." I say in a clearly insulting way. My heart was beating a mile a minute and I felt like I could explode any second now. This feels so unreal, especially with how close he is to me. "No wait, there should be a term worse than that. A criminal- a räpist."

"That's wonderful, baby." He smiles at me. "Tell me another joke."

"Go to hell."

"Again with the hell wishing. Trust me, I already went. Not that fun." He replies, blowing a breath of cool air into my direction. I cringe and try to stand up, but his sharp nails dig into my wrist so hard this time, I feel him break skin and draw blood. I wince as I sit back down, praying for the moment the couple walking down the aisle sits in the seats across from us. Against my luck, they walk right past the seats and head for the back as the doors to the train shut. I'm fucked.

"Leave me alone." I say, not daring to let an ounce of weakness show in my voice. He rolls his eyes but nevertheless let's go of my bleeding wrist. I twist my head and lean down the aisle behind me, searching for my brother or Andy or Joe or anyone. They're all busy with their phones or talking to one another- they don't notice me. When I look at my wrist, I find that he opened up that scar. The deep one.

"Since when did you tell me what to do?" He questions me curiously, biting his lip as he leans forward, closer to my face. I brace myself and shove him back into the metal wall. My wrist feels like it might just fall off of my arm because if how hard I snapped it when pushing him. I gasp in pain, hugging the bloody hand to my chest.

"I said, 'don't touch me.'" I repeat, pure malice streaking my words and intonation as I hide the pain he inflicted on me. "You hurt me once, and you are not going to do it to me again."

"Call for help then." He dares me, his eyes reflecting the same kind of viscousness in my own eyes. I bite my bottom lip, thinking about what he said. I'm in a moving train and with my whole freak out twice today, everyone is just going to think I've gone insane. It'll be like the boy who cried wolf, but instead, I never lied to begin with. "Ah, smart girl, aren't you?"

"I forgot, what's the point of even telling you to leave me alone? You never listened when it really counted." I whisper, shaking my head in disgust. Derek rolls his eyes, leaning back into his seat with a dry scoff.

"You're joking, right? You take us having a little fun as such a bad thing?" Derek asks me seriously, narrowing his eyes as he inquires my theory. I scoff back at him, my frown turning into a icy scowl.

"You disgust me- no is a complete answer. I didn't need to tell you why I didn't want to engage in those actions with you." I tell him, wanting to rip his head off. "No means fucking no."

"You are insane." Derek sighs, lifting his index finger to tap my temple. I flinch underneath his touch, feeling my stomach twisting so much to the point of nearly vomiting.

"I'm switching seats."

"No, you aren't." Derek sits up straight suddenly, stretching his arm out to slam me back into the seat. The breath escapes my lungs as he leans forward. His hot breath tickles my neck as he brushes my hair back and begins to whisper into my ear. "If you tell anyone about this, I swear to God, Colby, I'll kill you."

"You wouldn't dare." I growl, but in all honesty, my heart was speeding like NASCAR. I was terrified, so scared, and Derek sensed that. He smiles mischievously, reaching forward to brush my bangs back.

"Didn't you think that before?" He whispers.

Who will make me fight?

Drag me out alive

Save me from myself

Don't let me drown.

-/::\-

SUPER FAST UPDATE, RIGHT? AHHH DEREK DIE ALREADY. YOU SUCK.

Short chapter yes, but it was for a reason- I needed to introduce Derek into current time, and I thought the suspense was quite effective. Soooo- comment, vote, and follow? thank youuuu!

-Stay Classy, Young Volcanoes

•LeaveNoWordsUnspoken