Insane

Chapter 1: Who Am I?

Do a lot of people look in the mirror and wonder who the person is staring back at them is? Do a lot of people also ever acknowledge their own existence? Beca feels like she's the only person on the fucking planet to ever feel paranoid about if what she's experiencing first hand is true reality. What if every thing she's ever experienced is all fake? The people she meets growing up, the doctors she's getting help from, are they all out to get her? Beca shakes her head at herself in frustration as she sits down on her bed in her white colored room wall. Beca takes in several deep breaths as she truly believes she's gone insane this time. What is wrong with her? She often asks herself this question and never speaks of what she's truly thinking out loud or to anyone else for that matter. They might think she's delusional and send her back to the horrid place she just escaped from. Beca scoffs as she slides her sweaty palms over her denim dark blue jeans to reduce the sweat from her hands. "Are you insane? What if you are?." Beca whispered oh so quietly out to no one but herself. She's been doing that a lot lately, talking to herself as if she's talking to another human being. I guess it all started once they put her on these new medications. She was sixteen when she tried them, the doctor she currently was seeing told her it would make her happy...make the thoughts go away, but they only got worse. Of course she never told him that, always thought if she asked for a higher dosage they would finally work. Funny enough, they never did nothing but make her feel even more depressed than she already was. Beca sighed heavily as she laid down on her back, feeling her whole body start to pulse on its own. Ever since she hit puberty it's been this way, her body pulsing, mind racing, feeling as if she could tear her whole skin off of her body just from the sheer uncomfort it would bring to her. Fortunately they figured out what her problem was and actually gave her what she needed this time around. She's been on the new medication for a few weeks now. It's like she's there but she's not really there. I mean sure she's there to exist among the other crazies in this place, but she is just another insane person to everyone who is right in their own mind. Every doctor and nurse in this asylum thinks she's the craziest. Which wasn't weird in her case, since she's been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Which she thinks is utter bullshit, well they could be right on some things. Sure she does have unsafe sex, she also maybe be insecure at times, her relationships may never have been stable, but they always have been intense. They were always due to her being in a rollercoaster of emotions, or how she always tried to kill herself whenever something inconvenient in her life came up. I guess those relationships always failed because she would always fuck it up first. I guess her fear of being abandoned has its moments. The fear of paranoia and her anger issues have been the actual cause of her actually being in this place. I guess her 'parents' were right for sending her to this place. She really fucked up this time if her being here means anything.

"Fuck! Keep going!" Beca smiled widely as the current girl she was banging as she shouted with every hard thrust of her hips. Beca couldn't care less about her though, she was just some girl she picked up downstairs. She was currently at some jock's party, for the life of her she can't remember who, only that they're really popular at school. Just then the girl moaned loudly as she clenched around her cock. "Oh my god! Beca!" Beca slowed down her thrusting to see the girl convulse beneath her. "Did you come?" The dark haired brunette asked her with a satisfied smile on her face. Beca shook her head no, making the girl frown. "Do you want to? We can keep going." Beca frowned for a moment as she pulled out of the girl without a care. Suddenly she felt very out of place, like she wasn't meant to be there anymore. "Beca, are you okay?" Beca didn't answer the concerned cheerleader as she started to put her clothes back on hastily. Beca almost reached the door as it then swung open violently, revealing an angry jock. "Are you fucking kidding me Ashley?! Instead of fucking me you decide to fuck this freak?!" Beca was glad that his attention was on the brunette girl as she shoved past him to run downstairs. It felt as though everyone heard what had happened upstairs since they were looking at her leaving with interest. "And where the fuck do you think you're going freak?! You think you can just fuck my girl and get away with it?" Beca sighed as she was shoved in the back as soon as she made it outside, making her trip on her feet in the wet grass. Beca ignored him though as she stumbled to get back on her feet, as if he wasn't talking to her. "Leave her alone Jake! We aren't even dating anymore you dumb meat head!" The unknown girl pleaded as she tried to push him away from a leaving Beca. "Oh please, like you would even last a week without me on your tail. We all know this freak would derail your status as head cheerleader. Which is why I'm doing you a favor by beating the shit out of her." The girl yelped as he pushed her out of his way roughly and finally made his way towards Beca's back. "Hey! We're not finished yet freak! I'm talking to you!" He shoved Beca down making her knees skin the concrete road as she fell down harshly. "I'm gonna enjoy this. Everyone else might be fooled by you, but not me. I don't feel bad for you because people say you have 'mental issues.' You wanna know what I think? I think you're just making up all of this shit!" He then lifted his foot to kick Beca's back down roughly making her fall on her stomach. "My dad said he knew your folks before they ran off that cliff. You wanna know what he told me Mitchell? He told me that your dad was an abusive drunk and your mom," he laughed as he kicked her side hard making her grunt in pain and laid on her back, facing his menacing eyes. "Your mom was the town whore back in the day, he even told me she got on her knees for him after you were born. He said she was just as crazy as you were, that's probably why your dad had to have a drink every morning." Beca didn't say anything as she just laid there with a blank expression on her face. "Wow, What a surprise mental case Mitchell has nothing to say. This is the first, maybe it's because you know it's true. Maybe it's because you know deep down that you're worthless Mitchell...hell i'm doing you a favor by making you see who you really are. Now stay the fuck away from Ashley, or I'll do you and everyone else a favor in this town by putting you down." Beca barely blinked as he left and the next thing she knew she was hunching over his lifeless body huffing and puffing as she delivered blow after blow onto his already bloody face. She stopped once she heard sirens in the distance and a girls screams for Beca to stop. Beca became scared and confused as she immediately stopped hitting Jake. Beca swallowed in fear as her breathing became erratic as she looked down at her blood covered hands in shock. "Get on the ground! Get on the ground now!"