Oh. My. Fate?! (BL, Volume 8, Part 1)

30 Running away?

Chun Yin's smile turned sweet and he brushed Jinde's hair to the side, kissing his cheek before he finally sat up. He took a look at the room, satisfaction written on his face. His gaze couldn't help but linger at the table for a moment though. Two cups were standing there, a few jars of wine lying around them.
Chun Yin winced and got up, picking his robe off the ground. The gaze he gave Jinde this time around was a little complicated. The happiness he had felt before threatened to collapse as well as if he wasn't sure if all of this could be trusted.
Well, it figured. The two of them had probably gotten drunk and then this happened. It really made one wonder just what he would do now. Staying seemed like the honorable thing to do but ... in that kind of situation, he probably couldn't help but feel guilty for taking advantage of the person he loved. Naturally, he would feel like fleeing from those feelings.
With everything Leng Jin Yu had already heard from Jinde, he knew that things wouldn't turn out well but he couldn't help but hope that Chun Yin would stay and talk things through with him. If he did, then wouldn't everything turn out in the best possible way? Wouldn't they realize that their feelings were mutual and that there was hope for them being a couple? If they did, then Jinde would never need to suffer as much as he had originally done. It would be a dream come true.
Unfortunately, this wasn't a dream. No, this was a memory from his past life. The things that happened here had already long passed in reality.
Chun Yin made sure that he had put his robe on properly and glanced back at Jinde. There was some unwillingness but he finally opened the door and slipped out of the room, rushing down the corridor in front.
Leng Jin Yu really wanted to close his eyes and walk away. He didn't want to see this. Although it was his own memory and he wouldn't have to see just how disappointed Jinde was, it still hurt just thinking about it.
How could he have been so dumb? Even if they had gotten drunk and that was why things had happened, it wouldn't change anything, would it? He obviously loved Jinde. So why hadn't he just continued to lie there, maybe even pretending to still be asleep? He could have done that. Then he could have waited until Jinde woke up and then pretend to stir at the same moment, sharing the surprise with him. That way, he could to try to see how Jinde would react.
Who knew? Maybe Jinde would have even indicated his happiness by snuggling up to him or something. That way, there wouldn't have been any questions left open. They could've gotten together without any trouble. But now ...
Leng Jin Yu helplessly witnessed how Chun Yin walked through the palace, his own heart feeling heavier with every step. Just where was he going? He couldn't find it necessary to run away this far, could he?
Just when he wanted to curse his own past self out, Chun Yin reached a door and slipped into what could only be called a kitchen. He glanced around as if making sure that nobody was around and then started to rummage through the shelves and cupboards.
There was some dissatisfaction in the way he slammed the doors shut and treated the things he found but finally, he walked out of the room with a plate holding what could probably be called half a proper breakfast.
Leng Jin Yu watched on in stunned silence. He didn't know what to think any longer. Chun Yin hadn't run away? He had actually come to get them some food? Was this ... his way of caring for Jinde? Had he tried to make sure before that his lover hadn't woken up yet and then just wanted to slip out for a moment and return before Jinde would even open his eyes, serving him food and enjoying the moment?
That couldn't be! If things had been like that, then the two of them would never have ended up like that. After all, sleeping with each other would equal marriage. If they were married and he went back there, then that was basically acknowledging it.
There was no way the two of them would break up after that. Not with how Chun Yin had looked at Jinde before and how heartbroken Jinde had seemed even after several millennia had gone by when he talked about his lover.
So what was happening here? Could it be that this wasn't a memory after all? Had his thoughts somehow influenced this and shown him what he wanted to see most: an explanation for his past self's behavior that wouldn't mean that he had abandoned Jinde? Or could it be that this was indeed real but that there was something else that Jinde hadn't known about?
He couldn't help but feel faint excitement. If this was his true memory and he could indeed remember, then he would be able to tell Jinde as soon as they saw each other again. He could tell him that things had actually been different, that Chun Yin had loved him just as much and that he had wanted to show him. Then maybe the hurt that Jinde had felt could lessen at least a little bit.
Chun Yin turned the corner, his gaze fixed on the plate in his hands as if he wanted to make sure that he wouldn't drop it.
The shadow of a person fell over him and he raised his head but before he could see that person's appearance, his body shook and a voice sounded to him as if from very far away, calling him back to where came from.