Something I want to share

30/9, morning

It was my birthday yesterday, in this writing I'm going to be completely honest with you about what happened to me, what I was thinking and how I see the world. They say a bookreader lives one thousand lives but without so much reading, I have been able to imagine living a lot of lives from people that opened up to me. Most of them allowed me to share their stories anonymously, most wanted me to privately deal with it, and I'm fine with both, I guess everyone has the need to share about their lives to the rest of the world, right? Including me.
And so if we all have the need to share, the most hurtful experience we would go through after just being recovered from depression would be being denied or seeing someone avoid hearing them. In this writing it'd just mainly about those kinds of topics that people said were boring, so if you wanna keep reading this or not, it's up to you, and I will try my best to be the most honest and real! You have my words. These pretty much what teachers rarely want to hear from their students, but have no way else to understand them, I have tried really hard to make a teacher at my school read my previous work I wrote just to receive the only feedback that I was too honest. I guess nobody would want to listen to this kind of stuff nowaday, so we should treasure those that won't shy away from it, and are willing to take your negativity down with you.

I get frequently bored with school, and I guarantee with you, I'm probably the kid who skips the most classes at my school. I'm lost and drowned in this world of hardworkers, competitive teenagers who strike for grades and adding that I'm just a brand new kid recemtly moving to California, it's somehow harder. Not to lie, but I can tell that people somehow tend to shy from someone who is too enthusiastic in being friend with them at the first time meeting, especially from a kid who was considered lazy and immature, well I'm not lazy, I'm really engaged in helping but I'm just too slagged off with boring stuff, but we can't change how everyone defines being lazy.
I have extreme belief too, although I'm away from all extremely sad emotions. I really believe in the right way to be a good friend, although there's no specific rule or instruction on how to be one, I also believe in the best way we're meant to treat each other, although I know the variety of personalities, and based on some other believes I have, I can tell if someone is being depressed or not, or someone who is faking depression to look pitiful. When I realize someome is struggling with their lives, it's often too late that they start to build up their defense mechanism or just are too desperate to trust anyone. Look, even though I'm not sure you would read this work 'til the end, I still keep the promise to show my fullest to you. Now you can see I'm the weird kid huh.

The thing I'm most scared about is dragging people down to "negativity" or making them feel helpless for not being able to support me. Although there are rare people had felt that way, but it's been a long time, and that for some reasons convinces me that everything in the situation is getting unstoppingly worse. I'm just struggling to make friends and most of the time I start to belive that everyone at school is terrified of what I have done before (I'd tell you this night) and they all decided to avoid me on campus even tho some outsiders said that doesn't make any sense, but this at least has happened in everyone of you, right, making up something nonsense to reason for the reality.
I love when people open up to me, when they share with me their troubles and I could have every resources I need to help them, even in the way no one has done, because that's when I could find the meaning for my own struggles. I love reading people's autobiographies, where they share their thicks and thins, and adding some most honest and constructive, non-cliche comments to make them feel understood. I have been mentoring a girl and beside from reading with her, we also talk and joke (sarcastically, sometimes we're not supposed to let the guides hear this but that's mostly what would happen if you let two kids be close with each other). I hate everything that's formal and not in-depth, judge me if you want but I'll explain to you later, so wait.

Yeah, that's mostly the skim of what about me. Tell me about you in the comment below.