Something I want to share

1/28/2020, evening

Hi, I haven't been here for a long while and yeah, I got some ups and downs but probably more downs than I thought. I'm trying my best to think about the future when I got my diploma and started to work right away so that I can have money to do whatever I want. There were times I tried to motivate myself by making it look straight at the future, which makes me sicker the next moment I turned back to the present and realized everything is still sucks, I still don't have any job, me and my best friend started to be distant, I'm like an invisible person at school, nobody can help me and worst of all, I don't have enough money to treat myself nice and make more from it or just to travel. I felt better at the new school but I'm just so afraid of the imminent pressure that I'd have for school works because I'm a mind wanderer and I got spaced out a lot. Just to let you know, I did something really bad recently, not that I smoked or vaped or had sex, I just hurt the person who loved me the most because I don't want him to be mentally over dependent on me when he's capable of taking care of himself. Sorry, Brendan, if you don't really like the world then there's no way I can get you out of your comfort zone, I just don't know how to help him ya know? You're more capable of doing anything you want than I am because you got a job and a carefree grandma, and look I'm like an invisible person in this world, I only have my parents that care about me but sometimes they don't even let me do what I want, I've lost one job because of them. I'm here pressured with school work and trying to find a place to earn money and prove myself, how are you gonna support me? Sorry but I'm just so tired of this, you don't even have a plan for your future and it looks like you don't care when I asked you that.