losers

III

You stepped out of the cave in a stumble, still feeling fatigued after your restless, nightmare-infested nap. Grabbing onto a protruding stone to balance yourself, you stepped to your trusty blue-eyed white horse, who you didn't name yet.

Well, that's how you remembered it looked like, even though you never paid any attention. Either way, you're not sure if you can trust your mind with anything anymore.

"Hi, horsey." You stroked his mane with your calloused, bloodied fingers, leaping onto its back. You gripped the saddle, ignoring the growing pain in your arms and the seemingly constant night.

Was it always this dark? Or is this just you?

That really didn't bother you much so you scanned the area for a bit, gazing at silhouettes of trees and thinking back to the sounds of leaves crunching under your feet. It took you a moment to comprehend, and you still don't understand why the trees are bare. You don't have any seasons, so why are the leaves falling?

Lukas' form rode up to you with a raised eyebrow, concern etched on his features. "You alright?"

You neglected to answer for a bit. Obviously, you're confused, internally deranged and probably bipolar too, but you have to be strong for them. It doesn't matter what you feel or think anymore, you just have to save the world.

Can you? It's so cold.

"Uh... hello? Jesse?" You took way too long to respond as you got lost in your random, disconnected thoughts of temperature, doubt, and regret.

"Is it just me or is it really, really cold?"

He was clearly taken aback by your dodging, expressing it in a raised eyebrow instead of words. You breathed an internal sigh of relief when he decided not to interrogate you, but he did keep staring at you.

"No, no, it's not just you. By the way, Axel and Olivia rode further ahead without you."

"Why without me?" That's something. They always waited for you.

"I think they're mad at you," he sighed as he threw his hands up, "I-i don't know. I don't wanna start drama, we already have enough on our plate."

Great. You were actually hoping to confide in them (you didn't trust anyone else that much) but now that they're upset, they're not going to listen.

They get mad when you don't talk, and then get mad when you're willing to (even though for different reasons).

Just what you needed.

You both stared at each other in weirdly comfortable silence. He made a gesture, but you didn't understand it at all.

"So? Did you forget how to ride a horse?"

You looked down at the horse to signal it to start riding, but you found your mind was blank. You actually did forget, or you never knew how to.

"I never knew how to," you shrugged, "Well, I guess I can, but not properly."

"Do you need help?"

You shook your head, riding up to Axel and Olivia and slowing your horse down to a walking pace. With no food, water or entertainment on you... this was about to be the second-worst time of your life.

And it was exactly how you expected it to be, disastrously boring. To divert your thoughts from something (you didn't even know what you were hiding from), you resorted to rattling off absurdly large numbers (in your head), exercising, meditating, forgetting how to meditate, doing yoga, collapsing, glaring and sleeping. Soon, it descended into silence for the rest of the trip as you crossed biomes, and there was nothing you could do about it.