A Verdade Dói, Precisava de Algo Mais Emocionante

Not Your Average John

Weeks ago, I flew over to Brazil to visit with family. It was truly an amazing trip. I saw some of the most beautiful sights, things I'd never seen back home, but sometimes that was easy to forget. I was distracted, you see. I was completely hijacked by my feelings, feelings I couldn't get rid of, feelings so intense I didn't know what to do with them. These feelings were love. These feelings were for Millie Bobby Brown. (I'm sure you've heard of her before.)

It all started 4 years back. As I was watching Modern Family, a little girl with brown hair and big, brown eyes caught my attention. She might just sound like any other girl to you, probably that basic brunette girl you sit next to in math class, but to me, she was everything. She played a small part, nothing too special. Lizzie was her name I believe, but only a year later I would come to find her again, the lead of her own show- Stranger Things.

Even with her hair buzzed to the scalp, I recognized her from the very moment I saw her and that was when I knew. That was when I knew that it was love at first sight.

Her character, Eleven, had been experimented on in a lab her whole life until finally making an escape and being found in the woods by a boy around the same age as her. It was for that reason that she rarely spoke a word the entire season, as she had not been consistently taught English, nor social cues, being isolated in the environment that she was. Somehow she conveyed so much by saying so little. It was all in those lovely eyes of hers. I was mesmerized at how her expressions could be so simple yet so powerful.

It became clear to me and everyone watching that the boy that found Eleven had feelings for her, just as I do for Millie. Later, he even attempted to explain his feelings to her and kissed her for clarification...and because he wanted to, of course.

But that boy that found her, that boy that took her into his home and fed and clothed her- I desperately wanted to be that boy. For the longest time, I found myself empathizing with him a lot and I couldn't put my finger on why. That was it. That was why. I wanted what he had. He had Millie and not directly, I know. Mike was just as much a character as Eleven was and Millie's not Eleven, but playing Mike allowed Finn to be close to her and that was all I wanted.

Mike and Eleven were a match made in heaven. I wanted that kind of love with Millie. Even though Finn was the one who got to be with Millie, I didn't want to be him. I wanted to be Millie's Mike.

She practically got famous overnight. You'd have to be living under a rock not to know about Stranger Things. It was the biggest hit Netflix had ever seen! It had everything you could think of- teen leads played by teen actors, nostalgia, sci-fi, horror, comedy, romance, strong friendships, the list goes on. It was practically meant to be binge-watched! As it got bigger, she did too. Soon enough she became a household name. I loved watching her success. She was so talented. She was good at everything she did. She could act, she could sing, she could rap! She took up modeling, was named one of Times 100's most influential people, became a UNICEF ambassador, and most recently, designed a line of converses, started her own brand and partnered with Pandora Jewelry. I mean, really, what couldn't she do?!

I needed her more than I could say. I'd reached out to her in her DMs, but she never replied or even noticed my messages. A part of me knew I'd never get to meet her or interact with her in any type of way, but a part of me believed it could happen to.

I know it's crazy, believe me. I mean, she's way out of my league. She doesn't even know me! I'm not anything special. I'm nothing, ask anyone! People at school have started calling me "sad boy John" because I'm always depressed, always stuck on Millie, always thinking about her every second of every day, and torturing myself with possibilities that I know are too far out of my reach, but I can't help myself. Every song I listen to- Millie, every dream I have- Millie, every time I see the number 11- Millie. Millie, Millie, Millie. Just her and nothing but.