No one can say he's particularly surprised to find out that Baekhyun is the first victim.
Not to say Jongin doesn't flip out, but Baekhyun suddenly has two masses of fat and tissue on his--her?--chest and his--her?--ass looks fucking perfect, so Jongin feels like he's morally obligated as a dude to lose his shit.
"BAEKHYUN IS A FUCKING GIRL."
"The syntax of your sentence is too confusing for six AM," Sehun groans, shuffling past in the hallway and smelling strongly of hair chalk and sleep. Jongin squawks in indignation and gesticulates wildly in a lame attempt to get Sehun to understand there is nothing wrong with the syntax of his anything.
"No, he's a girl," Jongin says. "He--she. Has. Boobs."
Sehun states at him. "What are you talking about."
"BAEKHYUN IS A FUCKING GIRL. YOU FUCKING BUBBLEGUM BITCH."
"Okay so."
"What do you mean okay so? He has tits! And probably a vag, oh god! And he is bammin' slammin' bootylicious!"
Sehun blinks at Jongin from under his fringe of pink hair and says flatly, "Please don't ever say that again."
"'Bammin' slammin' bootylicious' is a new one," a dulcet, but undeniably high voice says from the bathroom. "I don't think I've ever even seen anyone call you that on the fan boards, Jongin."
Baekhyun walks (sashays) out of the bathroom then and it's not like Sehun has ever like considered Baekhyun to be attractive or even looked at girls, he's been too busy being a trainee for that. But it's six AM and he is a guy with Needs and "wow what the fuck is even happening."
"I told you," Jongin says smugly.
"I could ask the same question," Baekhyun says seriously. He--she, oops--looks down at herself, at her dark flowing hair and shapely legs and undeniable rack.
"This is not happening," Sehun says.
"I didn't expect you to take this well," Jongin mutters. "But you're hurting his feelings. Her feelings. Uh."
The morning episode concludes with Joonmyun walking out of his bedroom and staring at Baekhyun with unadulterated disbelief, which changes to confusion as he looks to Jongin. "Baekhyun," he offers helpfully.
Joonmyun promptly faints.
"Oops," Jongin says mildly.
Later, after fifteen minutes of breathing exercises under Kris's surveillance, Joonmyun has regained enough sentience to attempt being leaderly.
Baekhyun is still a girl.
"When did this," Joonmyun says, gesturing weakly, "happen?" The only other people in the kitchen are Kris and the maknae line sans Zitao. Kris told everyone else to stay in their rooms on pain of death and general trauma.
"Well I wasn't awake to see or feel it," Baekhyun says matter-of-factly. "So I'd say sometime last night, after I used the bathroom."
Kris pinches the bridge of his nose and exhales very slowly. "Does. Chanyeol know about this."
"No."
"He shouldn't," Jongin mutters. They ignore him.
"Well, it's not like we can hide it forever," Joonmyun says as reasonably as he can. "Just. Get dressed, Baekhyun, and act normal."
"Act normal," Baekhyun says. "Right."
So it should be at all surprising that Kyungsoo is the first to ask very, very deliberately, why there is a girl sitting at the table. Only when Baekhyun looks up, thick dark brown curls brushing against soft cheekbones, does Kyungsoo gurgle and punch Joonmyun in the elbow.
