Change me if you can

Chapter 1

Hello, my name is Alisa. I'm 17 years old and i hate my life and i wanna die. You can say me that I'm so young and so stupid. Maybe it so, but it's my mind. My problems with my family, no, with my *mother* have been happening every day. It wasnt always… Just after my dad's died she changed. My mother never love me like my father… In general its not important….- I finished write this in my personal diary and closed it.

-Alisa, I need to go. So u can go at home…. – My teacher said and i nodded. I don't want to go at my home because i know my mother is drinked. I hate it. I took my think fastly and stood up. Then I came to my teacher's table and put his pencil «thanks» i uttered and came to entrance. – Stop, Alisa, everything is okay? Where is your mom? I called her came to me but she didn't.

«It's none of your business» - I looked i to his eyes, turned around and went away. I heard his voice but it wasnt important. I looked on the phone. 14:54 pm. Nice, I can't go at my home because my mother will be angry if she sees me. Usually i come home in evening, when she asleep.

Today is a  wonderful and warm day. But the new about my mom making me sadly. I'm going to the park next to my home. I like to walk there, because it 's amazing and beautiful place. I sat down on the bench.

– Oh come on, come here,- I uttered and gave a small smile. It was homeless dog. I usually see him here. I very want help him, but i can' t from behind mother. But i have been buying him food if I have many. – Jack, hi, my dear – I was very happy when he is near me. It is my best friend. I very love animals, and of course more dogs. I have a bit food and so I gave it him. I smiled. He was happy too. When I will have my personal home i take him. I closed my eyes and dreamed how i and Jack are playing. We are very happy. He jumped at me and i opened my eyes. He looked at me and i caressed him.

So I looked at the phone and surprised. 17:01 pm. I didn't feel that time. Probably because I was in my dream. My stomach growled. Heck. I understood that I'm very hungry because i gave my food Jack. I fastly stood up and fastly went to the home.

Then I accidentally hit a man. I squinted and it was unfamiliar me man. I looked at him. He was handsome. His big, gray eyes were angry. His black like coal was tousled. I looked my eyes down and blushed. Heck.

– Sorry me…  i didn't want,- I apologized and he looked into my eyes, nodded and went away.

– Bye, Jacke, see you later, I uttered and smiled him. I became sadly because i need to go at home. I can stay here yet but now I very hungry. I didn't eat today.

My phone is calling. It's my mother. I decided answer maybe she needs my help?! – Yeah, what's up? – I ask and heard his laugh. Oh no she's drink again. – Where are u, hussy? You can dont answer, I'm not interesting…i just wanna say u… i so hate you. It's your prob… - I didnt give her a chance to tell. I don't cry. She tells me that almost every day. I already cant cry. Its very hurt for me. Oh my dad why did you leave me. I so love you. Sorry me.

– Dear, what's happened? Can i help you? – I heard and turned around. Some grandma looked at me – Don't cry, If you now difficult, means soon will happen that the good in your life- she uttered and gave me a small smile.

– Thanks but I'm not cryi…- I started say and understood that I'm crying. – Thanks you so much- i said and smiled too. And  she went away. Oh my God, when I get my happy?

So I was near my entrance. I  was afraid. What will be with me now? Yo lets go. I live on the 2 floors. I've gone on my floor and take my Keys from my bag. I quietly opened my door and went in. I heard a laugh. It wasnt my mom 's, it was some man or men. I quickly went to the kitchen. We have a door so I closed it. Then I opened refrigerator' s door. 2 eggs, tomatoes, Meat and soup. Not bad. I quickly started to cooking. And soon i heard a noise. Anybody 's going to the kitchen. Heck. Now my mom understand that i'm here. I put my food on the table and took knife. Maybe it's unfamiliar man.

- Who…. Who is here????!! – man started yelling. Fuck, now my mom will be here. I have a time. I took my food and put it in my bag. So I looked on the window. – Sendy, come here fastly!! – it was hard but I understood his world. They were very drink. They can make something with me. And nobody can't help me. I heard how my mom going to the door. She has the key too and she can open the door.

-What's happened? – she asked and her «friend» said something. Then I heard a key's noise. I stood near wall. One… two… three… The door was opening. – ah it's you. What are you doing here hussy???!!! – she yelled. I couldn't look my eyes down because i need to know them addiction. I just ignored her. – I said you dont come back at my home!!!! – then she turned around and said her «friend» - you can do what you want, - mom smirked and i looked at man. He smirked too. I was very afraid.

-Mom, are you kidding? Say me that it was kidding!!!!!! – I yelled and cried. She just ignored my words and went away. The man started going to me – No! No, no, nooo- he grubbed my body and put on the floor. I've hit him between his legs and he squinted. I quickly stood up and started  running. I saw my mom.

– For what did you do it with me!???? – i yelled and she Just laughed. -Do you think that i need you? Hahhahah… I need a drag, a money, something, but not you! – she uttered and i turned around and went away. She sold me! I can't more so.

Then I went to the Park. I need to see Jack. I hope he will be okay without me. I sadly smiled. – Jack, hi, dear. I so missed you. – he was happy. He doesnt know that i wont come here anymore. Jack is only who happy near me. I wanted to spend with him more time. My phone'd called and i turned off it. Then i put him on the bench. – Jacke, i need to go. Will be a good boy. – i gave him a sadly smile. I looked into his eyes. Bye my friend. I stood up and went to the hotel...

... - Good evening! Can i help you? – the girlfriend asked me and i nodded. – Yes i wanna take a room on the night. – she nodded and gave me a keys. -  80$, - i gave her my last money. – Thank you! – i gave a small smile and went to my room. 

I opened the door and looked around. It was expensive hotel. I decided die here. I put my things on the bed and sat down. I need to think athough i already decided. I sadly smile. Today is my last day. Iast day my existence. I stood up and decided to start.  I walked to the bathroom and took my  blade. I sat down in the bath. Hmm heck i forgot my phone on the bench. Okay it's not important for me now. Then i took a paper and started to writing:

« Dear anybody, i dont know who reading this, its not important. I died and it my choise. I'm sorry that i did it here. Probably you have a problem because of me. I dont know for what i'm writing this later. I dont have dad, more mom, she sold me. I have nobody. It is sadly, i can change my life, but i'm hurt. I dont have forces anymore. In General i'm sorry….
Alisa»

What i'm feeling? I dont know. Probably it's a happy? I'm so glad, i wont see my mom anymore. Nobody wont hit me in my school. I'm not afraid. I feel amazing emotion. Is it strange? I think no. I deserve this rest.  I closed my eyes…

... One…Blade glides on my veins...Two… i feel a blood on my arm… Three… i feel a pains...Four… this's very warm...

I lost a many blood. I started to lose consciousness. I heard a noise.

– Good evening, can you open the door? I found your Phone, – it was last words that i heard. And i gave a small smile.