Imagine

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January 2018, i still can't remember how it actually was but i was in my bed watching vídeos in youtube and this vídeo of a girl working out pops up, i watch it and i start doing the work out, i felt great until i looked at the mirror and i see this ugly fat monster, i decided i had to change.

I was doing well, keeping my diet, my work out, my grades, everything was fine, until i saw this "my anorexic story" vídeo in youtube, that vídeo motivated me to work harder and eat less, i knew that wasn't the intetion of the vídeo but that was something in looking like a skeleton i always found atractive. Started counting calories and feeling terrible when i eated something "unhealthy", my grades got lower, i was getting very tired and i didn't see any results. The Easter Holidays came and i start eating like a monster again, my mom even told me " you are getting fatter" that broke me, i wasn't strong enough to stop eating. I was feeling like shit, everything was terrible until i found about the this this thing called " throwing up after meals", yup, that was when i found Bulimia my friend, barely did i know that this friend was going to stay forever.

Had the worst months of my life trying to get motived to work out but i couldn't, i didn't care about nothing but get Skinner and if even that i couldn't get then i didn't have nothing, and if i didn't have nothing to stay then, why stay?

Suicidal thought went through my mind and i didn't even knew. Was finally summer and i hated the idea of looking like a pig in a bikini so i stayed at my grandparents house in the beginnig wearing only sweatshirts but then i went back to my house and i went to the beach with my friends and i felt great. 

In the beginning of August i started to feel happiness and having fun at the beach. I went surfing for the first time in 2/3 years and i loved it.

I still regret quitting surf in 2016.

The surf teacher was this cool, supportive , vegeterian guy Eduardo, he told me to never quit surfing so by the time i was 15 i would be a pro surfer.

I'm now 14 and i'm thinking about quitting surf even though i know i will regret it. 

I throwed up during the whole summer but i was for sure happier than ever... until i wasn't ...